Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
It's Back!

Opening credits! Finally! It's some kind of Rube Goldberg contraption (ask your grandparents!). We start with Gordon lighting a fuse. Which lifts a dish cover next to Carol. A tomato rockets across the kitchen, hitting a meat tenderizer hanging on a rope next to J (that's all, just "J"). A row of plates wobbles and one rolls down a rack, lighting the oven next to Colleen. A spinny thing throws a knife into the wall next to Giovanni. A metal bar falls down and some utensils slide back across the kitchen to Ji. Toast pops up and flies through the air to Wil. Some cans of tomato paste (cans of tomato paste? In a Gordon Ramsay kitchen?) fire a meat cleaver into some eggs next to Paula. Balls of some sort roll past Ben and Lacey. A vegetable scale sproings a rolling pin at Coi. A butane torch lights some shish kabobs next to Charlie and the shish kabobs turn into rockets that stick into the wall next to Andrea. Lemons are thrown at Seth, and bottles fall over next to LA. A pot cover explodes, narrowly missing Robert. That's everyone. I regret my impulse to recap the credits. I hope the CGI department appreciates the attention.

In the kitchen, we've already started, I guess. They're divided into Men and Women, even though each person is doing their individual specialty. LA (22, a line cook) takes the opportunity to tell us that she's into women. Good to get that out of the way early on, I guess. Lacey (24, a corporate buffet cook) tells us that people will think she's just here because of her looks. Hmm. As a general rule, you don't want to say things like that unless you're really good-looking. Because Lacey isn't a hideous monster or anything, but it kind of seems like she thinks she's prettier than she is. Giovanni (37, an Executive Chef) says that he became a cook so he could get women into his house and get them drunk. Classy. Also, I'm not sure you really need to be a trained chef to do that.

The dishes are ready at exactly the right moment, which I only mention because I find it unlikely that all the chefs finish at the same instant. The first dish gets a "Holy [bleep]". Carol (30, sous chef) explains that it's a roulade of veal over caramelized onions. After some banter about her background, Gordon tells her that the food is delicious. Carol is delighted, interviewing that Chef Ramsay is the greatest chef in the entire world and how she wants to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and so on. Next, up "rabbit three ways" by Wil (26, quality control chef), who is openly gay. The difference between that and "regular gay" is that he's got a rainbow pin of some sort on his collar. He also has some analogy about plumbing and wiring that I don't feel like going into. Ramsay praises the flavor but hates the presentation.

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Hell's Kitchen




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