Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
It's Back!

Prizes: This year's winner will get $250,000 and a position as Head Chef at a new restaurant at Borgata in Atlantic City. [After this season, no one will ever eat there again. - Z] There is some bragging in interviews, and Gordon sends them off to the dorms to come up with team names. The dorms look crowded and kind of weird to me. The men riff off "blue balls", although that mostly takes the form of Ben saying a lot of phrases with "blue" in them. Colleen suggests "what about the flames of Hell. You know, something about the flames ... of Hell?" Yeah, I didn't understand it the first time, but after she elaborated on it with exactly the same words, it all became clear! Other names thrown out for the women's team include "Saffron Sistahs" and "Spice Rack."

Night becomes day, and I would like to take this opportunity to once again point out that it is a full moon, just like it always is on a reality show.

The next day, everyone's prepping the kitchen and also learning the stations. Lacey asks if she can just watch all the stations the first night "because I don't have line experience." What? Are you kidding me, lady? This entire show is about line experience. If you want to show your brilliant food creation skills, Top Chef is over that way. That goes over about as well as you'd think, and before you know it, Lacey is sobbing and saying she quits because she has no idea what to do. See, I would think she could just get put on the dessert station, because everybody knows they'll never get that far into service the first night. Lacey has apparently gone back to the dorms to have a snack, and none of the women seem that concerned about losing her. LA in particular is emphatic that there's no reason to get her.

On the men's side (which is blue, thus sort of justifying all that "blue balls" talk, I guess) Seth also admits that he hasn't worked in a kitchen before. So he's wandering around asking where stuff is all the time and getting on people's nerves. And Ben doesn't seem impressed with the speed with which Ben peels baby carrots. Lacey interviews that she's not a quitter, so she goes back to work. After she finishes her cigarette, naturally.

Okay, prep's over. The women's team (in red) is called "Team Saffron", although two of the women admit to preferring "Spice Rack". The men are "The Blues Brothers". Chef Ramsay says there are too many people in the kitchen and asks for volunteers. Giovanni and Carol are assigned to be waiters, which Carol isn't thrilled about, since it will be harder to show her cooking skills that way. Well, that's true, but it also means you're probably not going home right away, either. Chef Ramsay wants Charlie to make sure his long, weird-looking goatee stays out of the food and orders him upstairs to snip it off. All I'm saying is that Charlie, who is a prep cook, looks a lot like a guy who'd be a prep cook. Anyway, Charlie interviews (with trimmed goatee) that he's not going to rise to any bait, and that's it's just hair, after all. Opening is in five minutes!

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Hell's Kitchen




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