Hell's Kitchen
18 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | 1 USERS: C
Happy Anniversary, You Bunch of [Censored]

Ramsay tells the guys that they have to clean up both kitchens (am I nuts or did a burner get left on?) and I hope Tavon talks about himself in the third person, as in "Can't get no worse than this, having Tavon washing dishes" all season long.

As for the women, they're getting a steak barbecue, cooked by Hell's Kitchen Season 3 winner Rock and Season 6 winner Dave. Well, if nothing else, winning the show guarantees you endless employment by the show itself.

So the women sit down for dinner and get great tips like "If you play your cards right you can take them out one by one."

The men clean the kitchens -- Clemenza griping about drowning his perfect dish in truffle oil -- and then get to work studying the dinner service menu. Meanwhile, the women, having had a few drinks, get a little giggly, much to Robyn's chagrin. However, I think we'll all always remember Barbie's helpful tip that a proper cooked scallop is supposed to feel like the tip of a penis. "Like when you squeeze it?" asks Danielle. Oh, the pride their families must be feeling right around now.

The next day the chefs -- men in blue, women in red -- convene in the kitchen, receive their new knifes, and get down to prep work. We're told the men are feeling confident while the women have some first-day jitters.

Ramsay convenes them all to tell them it's the 125th dinner service, so they want to make it a special one. As opposed to every dinner service before it, where Ramsay suggests they just phone it in. Pop quiz for Briana on the menu entrees. She blanks. "We're so fucking screwed," says Kimmie.

After the commercial break, it turns out that Briana is able to come up with the entrees, and some creative editing dragged it out for us. Anyway, Royce feels they're going to knock it out of the park, and Hell's Kitchen is open for business!

Women get first order. Roshni compares it to the first day of school, except on the first day of school kids probably already know the difference between five (number of scallops in a portion) and three (which is how many she serves for the first order). Then she serves some raw ones, leading Barbie to question just how many penises Roshni has touched lately, because that's a burn on Roshni somehow.

In the blue kitchen, Royce blames whoever prepped his station for not providing any anchovies for the Caesar salads. He says he's been ambushed. Not that they're in any danger of losing out to Roshni's raw scallops any time soon. Ramsay brings the next plate back and invites everyone to feel the non-dicklike-texture, and then he kicks Roshni out of the kitchen, leaving Barbie to lead the team's appetizers out of the kitchen.

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Hell's Kitchen




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