Hell's Kitchen
18 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 1 USERS: B
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Off to a Bad Start

Pinball credits. I'm just going to list the names and we'll worry about details as they come up in the show: Paul. Chino. Jason. Natalie. Tommy. Gina. Jonathon. Krupa. Monterray. Elizabeth. Brendan. Jennifer. Steven. Amanda. Jamie. Carrie. Elise. Will. All the cheftestants are trapped in a pinball machine from hell while Ramsay plays it. Everyone here is lucky they can cook, because none of these people would have made it on Hell's Acting Class.

The cheftestants have 45 minutes to make their signature dishes, and Elise, 26, a line cook from Pittsburgh, mildly gets into it with Monterray because, as she tells us, she is "definitely not afraid to fight back," which is such a refreshing change from the usual reality show contestant who usually informs the audience they'll roll over for anybody. "They better watch themselves!" she says, while Monterray tells us he would elbow his mom for $250,000. Will says being a cook and being on a cooking show that he applied to be on is "a little surreal at first" but it comes down to "same shit, different toilet. Same baloney, different bread." I hope one day he opens a restaurant called Same Shit, Different Toilet. Brendan, 31, from Hoboken, insists that his aura ensures that when he walks in a room, all eyes are on him, and his competitors will definitely be intimidated by him. He's obviously speaking ironically. The only question is whether he knows he is or not.

So: dishes are ready, and Ramsay explains that this is actually the first team challenge: men versus women. First up is Carrie, the pantry chef (that's a real thing? I don't know what that is. When it said "pantry chef" before I thought it was supposed to be "pastry chef") vs. Will the sous-chef.

Carrie made a chicken-fried ribeye, with Yukon gold mashed and white truffle cream gravy. It looks like half of a KFC Double Down on a pile of dog vomit. "I actually have a little sugah in there," she says. Ramsay's all, "who in the what now?" so Carrie blames the sugar on her mom instead of trying to sell it. "I don't know who in their right mind would put sugar in their mashed potatoes," Gina tells us. Carrie tells Ramsay to just try it, and tells us he'll love it because it's fucking delicious. "It's like an orgasm in your mouth, come on," she tells us. Dig in, Ramsay! It looks like dog puke and it tastes like a blowjob! He tries it, and spits instead of swallows. He calls it disgusting.

So it's Will's turn, but not before Ramsay asks him what his heritage is. Italian Jewish. "My friends call me the pizza bagel," says Will. Those aren't your friends, Will. He's made sheep's milk ricotta gnudi. "That is delicious," says Ramsay, awarding a point to the sweaty pizza bagel.

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Hell's Kitchen

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