Okay, I just found out I have surprise tickets to a secret midnight showing of Star Trek, so let's make this quick. There's a lot of planning, a small amount of cooking, and then the whole thing ends in a "To Be Continued."

...what?

Oh, fine. Regular weecap commencing... now!

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 0
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 9
Length of the Previouslies: Ten minutes!

Previously: Everyone but Danny and Paula went home. Most of them deserved it, but I still feel bad for Ji, who went down with a twisted ankle. Read the recaps if you want more details.

Chef Ramsay congratulates Paula and Danny for being the final two, and two giant banners drop from the ceiling of the dining room. Their faces appear on the banners to indicate who gets what side. Paula's on the left, where the red team used to be. They're each supposed to design a menu and a restaurant. Finally, Ramsay fondly tells them to piss off. There aren't a lot of people who can do that fondly, but he pulls it off. Off they go.

Danny is happy, as is Paula. We see them going up the stairs to the dorms, which proves that they really are upstairs. They both decide to leave the planning until tomorrow and have a bottle of champagne. And another. Paula's plan is to drink until she passes out. Now, I'm not a drinker myself, but I have been told by those who are that a champagne hangover is among the worst and most painful of all hangovers. It's also the most glamorous, though. So that's something. They started the champagne at around 11:30, and they appear to keep going until 1:30 or so. We see a crescent moon (!) to mark the passage of time, and then it's 6:30 am.

Danny gets out of bed with no shirt on (for the ladies!) and both Danny and Paula look a little under the weather. Paula assures us in an interview that "this is nothing!" because she's 28 years old. Well, okay. I'm not sure getting blind drunk the night before the Most Important Night of Your Reality Show is a good idea, but whatever.

We next see Paula awake, wearing her chef clothes, and covering a notebook with ideas. Danny, however, is still shirtless and hung over and has no ideas at all.

The two chefs look speculatively at the dining room, which has magically grown a giant wall down the middle. They will be meeting with John Janavs, who we are told is the Architect & Designer of Hell's Kitchen. Paula wants both booths and tables, but no "foo-foo things". Danny says he wants one long bench seat along the center wall, and John suggests using it in "a more dimensional way." I have no idea what that means, and neither does Danny. John goes on about getting "more dynamic room". Paula wants candles. Danny will be serving seafood, so he'd like some mounted fish on the wall. John explains as tactfully as he can (which isn't very) that mounted fish is more "Bob's Bait Shop" than "High-End Fine Dining". In an interview, Danny claims that a big, mounted marlin can still be elegant. Well, sure, if it's wearing a top hat and a monocle.

Paula's restaurant will be named "Sunergy." Not "Synergy," which would be bad enough, but "Sunergy." Danny likes either "Velvet Hammer" (which he claims is his nickname) or "Susan Marie," which is the name of his mother, who passed away a few years ago. Look, I know all about the "...Without Pity" in our name, but I think I'm not going to make any jokes about the guy's dead mother, if that's okay.

Okay, enough frivolities. It's menu time. Danny meets with Scott in the Blue Kitchen, and Paula meets with Gloria in the Red Tent. I mean "Kitchen." Red kitchen.

Paula tells us that she's purposely not gone overboard, because she knows that she'll probably have a staff made up of the people who got kicked off the show and she wants to make sure she can deliver the food. Gloria agrees that that's something to keep in mind. As Danny goes over his menu with Scott, he seems particularly proud of his Caribbean jerked lobster with chili-lime tomatillo salsa, telling us that it's one of his signature dishes and that he can nail it. He's won awards! Meanwhile, Paula's signature dish is a warm mushroom salad.

Chef Ramsay arrives to talk to both of them. He assures them that the next 24 hours will be crucial. But first, they'll be flying to Atlantic City. And to make sure the restaurants don't go unattended, he's brought in two advisors for each of them. The advisors will be Danny and Paula's eyes and ears while they're away.

The advisors will not be revealed until after the commercials. This all seems like irrelevant fake drama, since all Ramsay cares about is the cooking. If the restaurant looks bad, what does he care?

Anyway, Paula's advisors are her mother and sister. Danny gets his father and girlfriend. Danny interviews: "Designing a dining room, I think I definitely have an edge. My dad's been building houses forever, and my chick knows my style, so if I had to leave two people in charge, there they are." So they have five minutes to convey their alleged visions to their assistants. Danny babbles about boxes coming out of the wall, and Paula emphasizes that pink is Right Out. That's pretty much all they have time for before Gordon comes in and insists that the plane is waiting.

Back to the private jet. More champagne. Gordon makes Danny talk about his signature dish from episode one, which was "Mahi goes bananas". More blue-tinged flashbacks to episodes gone by.

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