Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Sorry, Corey

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 9
Sous Chefs' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 2
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 15
Ramsay Quote of the Night: "You're running a kitchen, yeah? Not a nail bar." - To Christina
Contestant Quote of the Night:"She was just floppin' around like a flounder on the fish station." - Petrozza, about Christina

Last week: Service went swimmingly, despite Christina burning Ramsay (TWICE!) and Petrozza's general sloppiness. Corey and Jen went to perdition, and Ramsay sent Jen and her "big heart" packing. Thus endeth the reign of the most awesomely obnoxious and deluded contestant ever to grace the red, blue, and black kitchens. Now go use that small potatoes post-reality-TV money to do something about that hair, girl. Also, Christina won a killer shopping spree by feeding some fetuses and their bratty mummies.

And then there were three -- Ramsay-burning Christina, blonde bimbo Corey, and slovenly Petrozza. P-Nasty is my personal favorite, which probably means he'll go the way of the meat hook tonight just to hurt me...not to mention the fact that last week's promos portended of a face-off with Ramsay this week. Yikes! And now (dramatic pause) the continuation of Hell's Kitchen.

Ramsay wishes the contestants good night with a disgusted look on his face. Corey interviews that she worried about going home but does deserve to be here, and now she can "taste" victory. Oh you and your trite food puns, Corey! Christina makes no secret that she's glad Jen left. Corey launches into a game-time speech, affirming that she wants to win. Does anybody ever say "Meh, I made it to the finals -- I'm done here. Peace out..."? I mean seriously, we know they want to win. Move on.

So, back to the circle jerk. The three finalists high five each other for making it to the almost-end. Petrozza interviews with great puzzlement that there are only three people left. Yes, P-Nasty, it's called subtraction. Petrozza bids the bitches adieu and heads back to his quarters, while Corey and Christina share pillow talk. By which I mean Corey congratulates Christina by calling her a "fuckin' biatch." Elegance!

The next morning, the triumvirate head downstairs, nervously awaiting Ramsay's latest devious surprise. Ramsay kicks off this stage of the competition by cooking one of his signature dishes for the contestants...and their families! Corey is all shock and smiles as her mother and boyfriend stride into the restaurant. Same, plus a slew of tears, for Christina upon seeing her parents. Petrozza flies into a rage, unleashes a fierce windmill kick on Ramsay, and finally burns down Hell's Kitchen when his father and girlfriend arrive. No! He was really happy, too.

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Hell's Kitchen




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