In a series of seizure-inducing quick flashbacks, we get a brief overview of what happened this season, which was: a bunch of people got on a bus and then got yelled at by Gordon Ramsay and some of them yelled back. There are people in the montage I'd already forgotten, like Jamie and Krupa and Steven and that guy who almost died from extreme chef-ening or whatever. There are children banging dishes (and yet still manage to be better behaved than many of the cheftestants); there is Will getting angry; there is Elizabeth crying.
And when the dust settles, we are down to Paul "The pit bull," who we are told is definitely the "most intense" chef of the year, which is possibly true. "He never stopped believing in himself!" says the narrator. There's Tommy, "The wild card," which is a nicer thing to say than "meth head." He often played the comedian, especially if your idea of comedy is a self-involved douche who loves gay jokes. Will is "The machine," who proved to be an "unstoppable force" (of stubble) right from the start. Remember when he cooked a burger and managed to not kill anybody? That's how you know he's a great chef. And then there's Elise, "The fighter," who is the cartoon character created by Fox's reality-show conflict generator. "Can the last woman standing be the last chef standing?" gravely intones the narrator. A victory for Elise isn't a victory for womanhood but a triumph of insanity.
So picking up where we left off from last week, an ecstatic Elise dances back to the dorm, telling Will and Paul that she owes them, and Will yammers on about how he didn't do this because of any deal, but because she can actually cook. Tommy also wants Elise to press her breasts up against him, but since he said she was the weaker chef, she blows him off, despite him bizarrely saying, "I got your back."
The next morning, Ramsay greets the final four by telling him that it's important to always be inspired, and introduces the judges for the next challenge: Elise's son, husband Chris and aunt Dolores. Her son Chris Jr. seems adorable, and her husband seems too nice to be married to Motormouth the Destroyer here.
Tommy's got some family here now too: his mom Diana and his girlfriend Kaitlin. Paul can't contain a "holy shit" from escaping his mouth despite the presence of children (and I'm including Kaitlin here) when he sees what sort of aesthetic treasures have been bestowed upon Tommy's ridiculousness. I'd be curious to know if Red Sox fandom would be a deal-breaker if Kaitlin decided to go after Paul -- or was that just a bullshit excuse? Even Elise is taken aback, saying, "I'm not saying I didn't see it coming, but I didn't see it coming." Tommy kisses his girlfriend long and hard enough (before greeting his mom) that it's entirely possible she's pregnant. At any rate, I hope she's not missing too much homework by being here.