Hell's Kitchen
5 Chefs Compete

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Monty Ashley: C- | Grade It Now!
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The Risotto Wizard

Suzanne doesn't have two scallops ready, which she blames on Tennille not telling her about. They do get the order out, then Chef Ramsay is calling out multiple tickets. Tennille drops risotto and tells Suzanne when to drop some scallops. But when Ariel thinks the risotto is "mush", Tennille declares it "fine". I don't think risotto is something you want to bluff with on this show. And indeed, Chef Ramsay rejects it and demands new risotto. And then Suzanne has some scallops that are burnt on one side. Ah, scallops and risotto. The essence of Hell's Kitchen. Dave does okay with his tuna, but Tennille's replacement risotto is mushy. She claims that normally she's "the risotto wizard", which is quite a claim. Actually, I can't decide if that would be impressive or not.

Chef Ramsay wants to know who cooked the rice in prep. Kevin takes responsibility, and Chef Ramsay rounds everyone up to complain about the rice being "all bitty, mushy, grainy ... look! Underneath all that muck, that's supposed to be a risotto!" Dave's opinion is that Kevin ruined the rice, but that Tennille should have noticed it. Kevin is straightforward: "I [bleep]ed it up!" Ariel offers to start some more rice, and Suzanne locates a pan of rice that is fine for risotto. Chef Ramsay barely acknowledges this in favor of dumping on Tennille for using the bad rice. And Kevin for ruining it. Chef Ramsay is shocked that these people can't identify unusable rice. Tennille describes Chef Ramsay as being "on Kevin like white on risotto".

Tennille brings up a new pan containing two orders of risotto, and Chef Ramsay insists that she and Kevin rush up to the pass. Urgently! This time, he wants to curse at them about how good the risotto is. You can identify every grain! Do it like this! Bleep, bleep, bleep! And so on. So appetizers are going fine, and it's time for entrees.

Ariel is on meat and brings four chickens to the pass. Chef Ramsay is not happy, because one of the pieces is raw. RAWWWWW! "I won't serve pink chicken!" Ariel is frustrated with herself, and Kevin is a little sanctimonious with all his "I thought Ariel was a lot better than that."

An order of Dory, sea bass, and halibut allows us to see Kevin (on garnish) and Suzanne (fish) working together. There is raw fish, which leads to Kevin sneering about how "these girls just can't cook". I hate all these people, except possibly for Ariel and Dave. Chef Ramsay starts mumbling about how this is absolutely not possible.

Out in the kitchen, JP apologizes to a table about late food. I imagine that happens a lot.

An hour and a half in, only half the entrees have gone out. Ariel is late with some lamb, which means that Kevin's garnish might have to be redone. So she rushes it, and they're poorly cut. Kevin smirks a bit about how "it's just painful to watch". Chef Ramsay walks Ariel out of the kitchen and into the dining room so that he can yell at her in front of all the customers. Pure class, this guy. After they come back into the kitchen, Chef Ramsay runs off about fifteen [bleep]s before rounding up all the chefs and delivering an ultimatum: "Either you get it together right now or [bleep] off!"

Suzanne brings up some sea bass and Dave brings up what looks suspiciously like a dessert, all while we're supposedly waiting for Ariel to provide some lamb. Finally, the last table is done.

After the service, Chef Ramsay is very, very disappointed in everyone. He describes the evening as watching a giant soufflé collapse. I like the culinary simile there. Everyone is sent up to the dorms to think about what they've done, and also to come up with two people to nominate.

Kevin suggests they just do a vote and see how things go. Suzanne nominates Ariel and Tennille. Tennille is outraged that Suzanne would nominate her, just because Ramsay was shouting at her all night. Also, Suzanne feels she was a team player that night. "I was tight. Beautiful ... beautiful." Ariel nominates Kevin and Tennille for the risotto. Kevin is outraged! So the voting doesn't seem to be going well.

Down in the dining room, Chef Ramsay asks if they've come to a decision, and they all chorus "Yes, chef!" Well, we'll see. Chef Ramsay asks Kevin who the nominees are, and he puts forth Ariel for "inconsistencies, raw chicken, and lamb that wasn't quite up to par". His second nominee is Suzanne, for "raw fish, overcooked scallops, and she thought she had a good service tonight."

Suzanne, this is your fourth time. Why should you stay? "I was focused on solid techniques and standard of food and cooking things to perfection." Chef Ramsay applauds her focus, but wishes she had accomplished any of that. Ariel, what's your story? "I do believe that I am a better chef." Chef Ramsay thinks they both should go, but settles on Suzanne. Fine with me.

Suzanne claims that the experience has been very enlightening. I think what she learned is that she hates people, and that they hate her. There's a great shot of her lurking behind a doorway like she's Gollum spying on the Precious.

The final four are shooed away with dire warnings about bouncing back. All four of them give interviews about how great they are. Next week: Dave's wrist! Again! And two shocking surprises!

You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.

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Hell's Kitchen

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