Hell's Kitchen
5 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
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Now That's a Crappy Meatball!

Ramsay says it's tough to pick, and he wants to try Hilary's and Allie's dishes again -- so it's down to Barbie and Dana. After retasting them, he goes with Hilary (and Barbie). "I know I'm a good leader," says Barbie. Hilary seems to confuse this with winning Hell's Kitchen, and says this is going on her resumé. Well, there's probably plenty of space.

Barbie gets to pick one of the other contestants to join her on her prize of a fancy lunch and driving around in Ramsay's new Maserati, while the other contestants have to prep for tomorrow night's Italian night. She picks Justin, and Clemenza at least tells us he'd rather do prep than spend the day with Barbie. Justin is surprised to be picked, but he thinks he and Barbie have bonded. They head off on their trip, but it turns out that Ramsay's not letting any one of these chowderheads drive his car. He's provided a chauffeur for the trip to Ado Ristorante, where Chef Antonio Murè serves them food that he seems to promise will give them orgasms. "As Barbie and Justin reach the climax of their Italian lunch..." Shut up, narrator.

Back in Hell's Kitchen, Clemenza is getting annoyed because Dana and Christina are not as good as he is at rolling dough and making pasta. "WE'RE NEVER GOING TO FINISH MAKING THIS PASTA," Dana yells at us. Meanwhile, Barbie and Justin are kayaking through the Venice canals.

So needless to say, the three losers are in no mood to hear about the prize when Justin and Barbie get back. Justin, in what I think is actually a pretty nice gesture, decides to make supper for the three prep cooks, but because he makes pasta -- and they're sick of having had to roll pasta for the past six hours -- Dana and Christina shit on it outright. Clemenza at least tries it before spitting it out and saying it needs to be cooked more. Everyone goes to bed early.

The next day, more prep work, and it's the first time this season that the entire restaurant will be served out of one kitchen, so there's a lot to be done. Clemenza -- Mr. Italiano, Dana reminds us -- decides for some reason to pound the chicken breasts flatter, and the result is much like what happens when you put a penny in one of those machines that makes a stretched-out souvenir coin. Dana rats him out to Chef Scott, who then starts tearing into Clemenza, who seems unconcerned and says he'll kick ass in dinner service, and that's what matters. Scott tells them to get rid of the ridiculously large breasts and they're going to have to bread some more.

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Hell's Kitchen

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