Oh boy! A two-hour episode! And not two one-hour episodes crudely stuck together to make up for the fact that there wasn't an episode last week. Nope. Definitely a two-hour episode. Possibly with a dramatic cliffhanger in the middle for some reason. Let's do this!

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 14 in the first half, 40 in the second
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 20 and 40
Total score: 114, which is surely a new record. We'll need another two-parter to beat that!

Say, do you think it's weird that Hell's Kitchen had a "French challenge" the same week that Top Chef did? And a few weeks earlier, both shows had a craps-themed challenge the same week? That's clearly coincidence (because doing it on purpose would be a lot of work), but it's a weird one.

It's been a couple of weeks, so Tennille starts things off by shouting at us in an interview. Great. We're back to that. Then (after a shot of the moon that is not a full moon for once), the blue team sits down with Suzanne to explain how Things are Going To Be. Kevin tells her that they don't like her and that she'd better shut up and do what she's told. Well, this is going to be a lovely experience for all concerned! Especially me! Oh, and Van piles on, warning Suzanne that they're a team and they never, ever throw people under the bus. Like that time Van threw Robert under the bus. Don't do anything like that. Although Kevin makes it clear that they'll have no problem throwing Suzanne under this hypothetical bus, which has to be having trouble getting traction at this point, what with all the people underneath it.

Dining room. Challenge time. Sous Chef Scott glowers at the chefs and introduces ... a giant television, which is lowered from the ceiling. Chef Ramsay is on the television, claiming to have flown overnight to Whistler, British Columbia. That's where the prize is, remember? A restaurant at the site of the 2010 Winter Olympics? Chef Ramsay talks about fresh, local ingredients (as he does) and explains that he's had fifteen ingredients from Whistler shipped down to Hell's Kitchen, and the teams will be making three entrees each, using each ingredient exactly once. Okay, break!

The chefs have two and a half hours, which is supposedly the time it will take Gordon and his special guests to get back there. The red team appears to be having communication problems as Ariel and Tennille are ignoring Sabrina. At one point, Ariel and Tennille agree that a rack of lamb will go well with cranberries, but Sabrina doesn't think it's lamb. She explains this to us in an interview that it's actually venison, because it's purple. Well, that's interesting. I learned something! The blue team is more direct about the way they shut out Suzanne, which at least saves time. There's a brief disagreement about skin on salmon, but nothing that takes up much screen time. Finally, the chefs plate their dishes exactly as Chef Ramsay enters the dining room. He's brought Sasha Cohen (Olympic silver medal in figure skating) and Jonny Mosely (Gold in moguls). Sabrina acts excited in an interview. It's time for the tasting.

First, Kevin introduces the blue team's caramelized salmon with pan-seared leg of lamb. Ariel's got grilled salmon with leeks. Jonny praises the skin on the blue team's salmon, and the blue team gets approval from both Olympians. 2-0 blue.

Next, Tennille and Dave bring up their dishes. Sabrina is practically vibrating with excitement that Tennile is going to call the venison lamb. She gets as far as "This is a magnificent lamb" before Chef Ramsay's eyes bug completely out of his head. She's on the ball enough to know that something has gone wrong, and tries to get out of it by saying "Initially, I thought this was lamb," but now Chef Ramsay knows she doesn't know what it is. She does successfully guess that it's venison, and Ariel tries to cover for her, explaining that they work with lamb every day and that Tennille must have just said "lamb" accidentally. Sabrina is appalled (in a delighted kind of way) that Ariel and Tennille got away with lying to Chef Ramsay's face like that. Anyway, Dave also has venison with some cranberry and beets. The red team gets approval from Sasha and Jonny, so now it's all tied up with the last dish to go, blah blah blah. Tennille makes me laugh with an interview: "You know I don't know what half of this [bleep] is! But irregardless, everything I put on a plate is gonna taste good!" I think it's okay to use "irregardless" as long as you're shouting about your own ignorance.

Okay, last dish. Van and Sabrina. Sabrina has lamb with mushrooms and artichokes. Van has grilled shrimp and braised ... something. He can't remember what it is, and Sabrina whispers "Kale" to him. Nice work, Sabrina! Jonny likes the blue dish and so does Sasha, so the blue team wins. So the red team's punishment is to go to a local farm, milk some cows, and clean out a pig pen. While wearing stereotypical farm clothes. It's related to the idea of "local ingredients" somehow. And meanwhile, the blue team is going to go eat at Mark Peele's restaurant. Oh, and Gordon brought them back souvenir Whistler stocking caps.

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