Hell's Kitchen
9 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Ain’t No Cure For Love (But There Is A Cure For Salmonella)

Since Red Team has five chefs to Blue Team's four, they have to sacrifice one of their desserts. Carrie and Elise start their traditional battle of It's Not Personal, Your Creation Just Clearly Looks and Tastes Like Ass, but in the end it's Jennifer's banana splatter think that gets the heave-ho. Elise annoyingly says it's difficult when some people on the team are out for themselves. "At least I admit I have selfish tendencies!" she says, highlighting her exhausting "I hate it when other people act like I do" mentality. Elise: Owning up to your faults does not in itself negate your faults. But in a competition, it's OK IF YOU'RE OUT FOR YOURSELF. In the end, Elise loses the battle, and her keg-sized cream and berries dessert (described by Carrie as looking like "baby vomit") is kicked out. "We better fucking win!" she threatens everybody.

The guest judges are Jordan Kahn, chef/owner of Red Medicine, who looks miserable to be here, even as he is described as the Jackson Pollock of desserts, and Waylynn Lucas, who is the chef/owner of (fōnuts). I'm not even fucking kidding about that name. I couldn't make that up. I guess a woman named "Waylynn" could make that up. She is one of the most talented pastry chefs in the world, we're told. We don't get any reaction shots from the delighted cheftestants so I guess none of them knew who (fōnuts) and Scowly here are either.

Rather than going head-to-head, the dishes are going to be assigned one to three stars, and the team with the most starts wins, which seems a little more equitable than head-to-head. Tommy's up first, with his chocolate-soaked toffee and macadamia nut sticky bun. Ramsay outright laughs at it, and Tommy defends his Rorschach blot of a dessert by explaining that his "gal" like macadamia nuts and cinnamon buns, and a little prodding reveals that the 31-year-old Tommy has a 19-year-old girlfriend. I don't know why that's a big deal. Once a woman gets a little older than that, she'll be wise enough to see through Tommy's bullshit, so he's going to be stuck on 19-year-olds for a while.

Waylynn says it's a bit of a mess, and it's chewy and undercooked, and the two judges each give it one star. Jamie brings a croissant with red pudding and chocolate with a strawberry-champagne glaze. One star from Jordan, two from Waylynn. Paul: banana polenta cake with lemon-mascarpone whip. Three stars from each judge. "Bam! Sexytime!" says Paul. I imagine he probably ruins any sexytime opportunities he gets by yelling exactly that.

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Hell's Kitchen




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