Oh, my God, the last FIFTEEN minutes where Ramsay takes some time to consider his decision should have lasted only FIVE! Up in the dorm, Rock and Bonnie hug it out, sincerely wish each other well, and talk about feelings. Ugh -- move it ALONG! Finally, after complimenting both of the finalists (Hee -- Ramsay tells Rock he knows why he's called "Rock." Give up? Because he's "Rock solid.") Ramsay positions Bonnie and Rock behind two closed doors. Only one of the door handles will open to allow the winner to walk through. Bonnie and Rock stand there, their hands on the handles for EIGHTEEN BILLION YEARS, before Rock walks through as the season three Hell's Kitchen winner. Rock bends over crying, Bonnie beams for him and hugs him happily, and the crowd goes wild! Rock's wife looks calmly happy, but also simply exhausted as she jiggles their half-asleep daughter on her shoulder. She hugs Rock and tells him she loves him so much. I wonder if she's thinking, "Fuck. Now we gotta move to Vegas." Rock tells us he's thrilled he won because he showed his kids that if you stick with something, you can make it happen.

The show closes out in a big party of shiny falling paper and Ramsay and Scott spraying everyone with Champagne. "Season twelve's winner right here!" Rock bellows, pointing at his adorable son.

And it's over. See you all around. Hmm, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares looks pretty badass, doesn't it?