Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 38
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 13
Ramsay Quote of the Night: "Don't stop and look stupid like some thick cow!"

Last week: The alleged chefs taught alleged housewives to cook, and Christina won. There was a twelve-top in the service, and Jen got into a squabble with Chef Ramsay. Bobby and Petrozza got yelled at, and Christina nominated Jen and Bobby. Bobby went home and is presumably babbling war metaphors at someone right now.

So we're down to Corey, Christina, Petrozza, and Jen. Christina doesn't like the part about "...and Jen". In the dorms, Jen acts like there are no hard feelings, but she kind of comes off as patronizing. There are some interviews about how people are stepping up their game and not trusting anyone. Petrozza doesn't say a word, which makes me like him.

The next morning, Gordon demonstrates that he can count as well as everyone else by informing them that they are the final four. He also says that one of them will be the executive chef in his new restaurant, so now I don't trust him about the "final four" part either. It looks like there are four of them, but how can I be sure? I'm actually more confident that none of these people will be "executive chef" than I am that Jen is going to do some post-show interviews where she shows no self-awareness at all.

The challenge is "the mother of all challenges. The toughest challenge so far. Each and every one of you will come up with a dish and cook that dish for eighty customers." Isn't that every week on Top Chef? Oh, but there's a twist. The customers are special somehow. They're finicky. Jen interviews that she hopes it will be celebrities, including Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Fifty Cent. That seems unlikely for a lot of different reasons. It would be hilarious, though, so I hope she's right. Anyway, the customers (referred to particularly vaguely as "eighty individuals", so I guess they won't be Siamese twins or anything) will vote to determine the winner of the challenge.

The chefs have one hour to cook eighty portions. And they're off! Christina is making a curried turkey sandwich with avocado and heart of palm salad. She interviews that she's worried that the customers might be children, who might not be receptive to the curry and avocado. You know who I hope it is? The crew. Those poor camerapeople and assistant directors need a break for once. Corey's making a salmon BLT sandwich (so, an SBLT) with toasted brioche and a side of vegetable chips. Gordon calls her a banana, but I think he means it affectionately. Corey interviews that it is "go" time. I only mention that because I enjoy reality show clichés.

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