Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 34
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 21
Best Ramsay Quote of the Night: "You're not really a chef, are you? You're just a showgirl with a big feather coming out your ass."

Before we start, are you aware that Viewer Discretion is Advised? Seriously, you should exercise some discretion. Or I could do it for you. I'll exercise discretion all over this show. Or something.

Last week: Fifteen chefs, a silly hat, Gordon Ramsay in makeup, the black Gorodn Ramsay, hen in a pumpkin, vomiting, the men don't know the entree, the chicken was rubber, and Louross was responsible for stay-at-home dad Dominic being bounced. Bleeps in this part don't count, if you're checking my math.

This week: it's now a "quest" instead of a "saga". That still sounds just a little over the top to me. Becoming the figurehead Executive Chef of a restaurant that doesn't even exist yet isn't exactly "throw the ring into Mount Doom" or "kill all the people that stand between me and the throne" material.

We return where we left off, with the chefs filing out of the kitchen back to the dorms to smoke and mope about Dominic leaving. Bobby explains that he was trying the "laid-back approach", but something about Ramsay's reaction has suggested that maybe that's not what he's looking for. Unfortunately, his new plan is that "The four-star general gots to come out now." You know, it would be easier not to make cheap political jokes if the guy calling himself a general would get something right occasionally.

Jason interviews that he didn't know what he was getting into and that he wasn't ready to get yelled at. Really? Jason, incidentally, has an enormous head scar that makes it kind of look like he's had his entire face replaced at some point. Anyway, he claims that he doesn't lose to "girls" and "[bleep] young little kids." I would explain why it's inappropriate to call women "girls", but the very next thing we hear is Christina gloating about beating the "boys". So I'm going to leave it alone for now.

The chefs sleep in black and white until 5:43 AM, when Scott and Gloria barge in with bullhorns. The chefs arrive in the parking lot in a mixture of pajamas and chef's whites, which isn't that much of a mixture, really.

Chef Ramsay is unhappy about the amount of wasted food, but I'm personally not convinced he's as unhappy as he's acting. Sometimes he's legitimately angry, but at this point, it feels to me like he's just setting up the challenge. In this case, the challenge is to go through last night's trash bags, pull out the wasted food, and dump it into cylinders that look like they should be holding an unknown amount of jelly beans.

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