Hell's Kitchen

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Monty Ashley: A- | Grade It Now!
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Day 3

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: Only 23? Can that be right?
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 28, according to my notes. They're a foul-mouthed lot, aren't they?
Best Ramsay Quote of the Night: "You moved like a [bleep] tortoise giving birth."

Fair warning: in the last three days, the following things have stopped working: my car's driver-side window, my cell-phone, my laptop, and my left kidney. They've all gotten back into line (more or less), but I'm still a little bit cranky. I'm hoping that suspiciously incompetent cooks being yelled at by a strangely charismatic Scotsman will take away my troubles for an hour. Or longer, depending on how long this takes me. Let's go!

Last week: A tie! A tiebreaker! Jen complaining! Petrozza was done! Bobby was actually pretty cool! Sharon kind of stunk! Corey's strategic nominations got overruled! And we're told that "Sharon walked out of Hell's Kitchen...forever." And now, the continuation! Let's continuate, shall we?

Jen bleeps up a storm on the way back to the dorms, insisting that she will not be gotten rid of and that Corey is a dumb blonde for nominating her. That's pretty classy, that move where as soon as someone annoys you in any way, you refer to their physical characteristics as a negative.

Christina takes it a little better in an interview, saying that Corey is threatened by her, "and she should be." Unfortunately, in person, she's practically in tears, insisting that Corey was "vindictive and hateful". More people pontificate on Corey's move, including Petrozza and Bobby, but we move on before too long. I'm thankful, because I like this show more when it's not all about "people stuck in a house squabbling at each other."

And speaking of squabs, we cut directly to a flock of chickens that has been let loose in the dorms. Also, apparently somebody has given Ramsay access to a PA system, which he uses to say "Wakey wakey. Grab your chicken and head downstairs now." I'm almost positive the actual saying does not include the word "chicken".

After some fiddle-playin' and banjo-pickin', each of the chefs has acquired a bird. And Chef Ramsay has a cleaver! Corey exposits that she doesn't want to have to "kill it live", which is certainly the most common way to do it. After a dramatic pause, in which the cleaver's blade is held right on the chicken's neck, Chef Ramsay calls the chefs doughnuts and then lectures them about respecting the product.

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Hell's Kitchen

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