Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Day 3

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 39
Best Food Insult of the Night: "The crab is off! It's fucking rancid!...You'll KILL someone!"
Best Contestant Quote: "Who in the world picks food out of the trash?" -- Julia

After Rock's nomination of Josh last week, the two of them are clearly having issues with one another. They both want to be the Alpha Cook and neither thinks the other one has what it takes to lead. Personally, I like Rock a whole lot better than Josh. All around, he just seems like a better guy and the kind I want cooking my food.

After a night spent sleeping (and studying for Julia, who is determined to batter her way through the Waffle House barrier), the teams are bugled and yelled awake by the Army and Navy. While Aaron doubles over with cramps, Bonnie dances across the screen in her towel. As she puts it, "I'm in the shower, with conditioner in my hair, so I RUN through the house HALF-NAKED!" A situation, which, you know, didn't seem to bother her last week. In fact, she's got far more body parts covered with her towel than she did with her tiny panties and tank top. Maybe that's what she's complaining about -- that she was only half-naked and not three-quarters naked. Speaking of getting dressed, Aaron is in such bad shape, he actually has to be dressed by Rock and Brad. Rock states that it is essential that no one be left behind. This is why I like Rock; he has always supported and encouraged Aaron rather than tearing him down or slamming him in conchefonals. The Ailing Asian Cowboy is clearly not a threat to anyone else in the competition. He's not going to win anything except either Ramsay's sympathy or his wrath, so there's no reason to bag on the guy. Just let him play out his time and move on.

The contestants assemble in front of Ramsay and learn that "for the first time ever in Hell's Kitchen" they will be cooking breakfast. This, according to Ramsay, is because they have collectively proven to him that they can't handle dinner service. By the way, for all of Nearly Naked Bonnie's complaints that she "looked like a drowned rat," her hair looks pretty well blown out and styled here. Unless, of course, she has magic hair which flips back of its own accord. As the doors open to Hell's Kitchen, Army and Navy men march through, clapping in time. Julia is so overcome by the honor (or the hotness of men in uniform) that she cries. But it's not a loud sobbing type of Heather crying that draws rivulets of snot and phlegm, it's more of a silently letting the tears roll kind of thing. Much as you would in the last five minutes of Apollo 13 when you're waiting to hear from the module and no matter how many times you've watched the movie -- even specifically turned to it just to have a good cry -- you are firmly convinced that they might not make it home! Or, something. During this Army-Navy display, Ramsay cracks a smile while Vinnie looks bemused.

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Hell's Kitchen

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