Hell's Kitchen

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Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
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You Know, For Kids!

The challenge is to make some long noodles from scratch. The team that does it the best wins. Jen explains that what the women lack in physical strength, they make up for in determination. Petrozza insists that he's going to get his team pumped up. Apparently, nobody's going to try "being good at making pasta." It's all determination and grit and spunkiness. Matt's strategy is to stand with his arms outstretched, waiting for someone to drape noodles over them. Frankly, there's more shouting and clapping than really needs to be there; all they're doing is feeding some dough through a machine and cranking a handle. They could do that without all the cheerleading, couldn't they? And at one point, I swear Jen's advice is "Make pasta, ladies!" I'm not saying she's wrong, but that seems like pretty vague advice. It's more of a goal than a strategy.

At the end, Chef Ramsay is happy with the effort, and indeed Matt and Shayna are covered in pasta. The men have 1.39 pounds from Matt's left arm, and the women have 2.66 pounds from Shayna's. The rest of Matt's load is declared to be "beautiful" and brings the men to 5.48 pounds. Shayna's remaining pasta is "nice. Very nice" and brings them to 4.82 pounds, but there's still one chunk left, which means...a commercial. These masses of noodles are starting to remind me of that scene in Magical Mystery Tour where John serves spaghetti with a wheelbarrow and a shovel. Back from commercial, the women get up to 6.57. Matt looks disgusted. Jen is covered in flour. They all are, actually.

Petrozza is disgusted that the men will be doing all the prep, because "This was all about muscle and strength". I don't want to demean pasta chefs here, but is it really a job where the biggest and strongest people rise to the top? Do you see a huge muscled guy on the street and think "I bet that dude makes awesome pasta"?

The reward for the women is to go to the Santa Monica Amusement Park in a Hummer. This leads Jen to click her heels, which I wouldn't mention except that the editors gave it a "ding!" Louross and Bobby, meanwhile, place the blame squarely on Craig.

The stretch Hummer (which looks like the one that always parks in the Compact spot at my job, not that I'm bitter), takes them to Santa Monica, and they are enthusiastic. Possible too enthusiastic, because it's pretty much your basic pier-and-amusement-park deal. I'm not really an amusement park connoisseur; I doubt I could distinguish between a bad Tilt-a-Whirl and a great one. However, they seem happy, so who am I to judge? Apparently it's nice to see the outside world, although it seems like they've done that fairly frequently.

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Hell's Kitchen

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