Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
Pizza is Delicious

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 13
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 36, most of it Louross
Best Contestant Quote of the Night: "That was the most ghettoest thing ever in possibly kitchen ever!"

Last week: Pasta cranking, won by the men. The men blame Craig. Matt cooked bad burgers. Craig allegedly talked back to Chef Ramsay, but it didn't amount to much. Bobby got a little cocky. Vanessa burned her hand pretty badly. Jen cheerleaded (cheerled?) her team to victory. Ben came in for some more abuse, and Craig went home so he can wear as big a hat as he wants.

As the chefs return to the dorms, Ben claims not to understand why Chef Ramsay yelled at him, but that's not as interesting as Vanessa's hand. She'll have to see a plastic surgeon, which is pretty dramatic, although I'm pretty sure we learned it last week.

Morning! The Ominous Voiceover Dude says, "All hands are on deck. All but one." Yes, it's a "clever" reference to Vanessa's hand, which is being unbandaged and rebandaged. She interviews that she can't get her hand wet or get it near heat. That's going to make this pretty difficult to for her. I guess she also can't operate a comb, because we see somebody (I'll guess that it's Shayna, because at this point, I tend to just assume that anyone I don't recognize is Shayna) brushing her hair for her. Oh, it is Shayna! And there is some really hideous art on the walls. I also notice that the water cooler has three nozzles. That's odd. Anyway, Shayna interviews that Vanessa is frustrated. I bet she is!

The chefs file into the kitchen and Chef Ramsay exchanges some half-hearted small talk with Vanessa. Then he brags about how a chef can wildly overcharge for regular food. I mean, I'm paraphrasing a bit, but he goes on to show his white truffle pizza, which he claims to charge two hundred dollars for.

So the challenge is for each team to create a Fine Dining Pizza (each chef will create one, and then the team will select one). Jen is excited, planning to use "this crazy mind of mine." It is my opinion that Ramsay will be most interested in a simple pizza with one or two high-end ingredients. Don't overmix. Let's see if I'm right!

There's a montage of chefs listing the various ingredients available to them, ending with Bobby, who is unable to come up with the right word: "There were sea -- sea -- sea ... murchins." That's better than "sea merkins", I guess.

Vanessa can't really cook (which really seems like it's going to be a challenge) so she's taking notes and writing down everyone's pizza. Over on the men's side, each chef is in a different corner and no one is talking. Well, Matt's talking, but he's just whining a lot. Vanessa is chopping basil extremely carefully. It's good to see her managing to help out. It's also good to see basil. True fact: my family's motto is "Never too much basil." I realize it's not all that inspirational, but there you have it. At least it's helpful!

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Hell's Kitchen




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