Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
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Day 5

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 21
Best Ramsay Insult of the Night: "You're standing there acting like a jumped-up little cavewoman!"

Best Example of Ramsay Just Being Awesome: "I can't stop the CHURCH!"

Best Contestant Quotes about Melissa:

"If Melissa were on my team, a very dark side of me would come out." --Rock

"That bitch is crazy -- I showed her exactly how to make this simple-ass, dumb-ass dish." --Rock

"And she's not going to stop talking, and I may have to strangle her with some chiffon." --Bonnie

Just when I thought this show couldn't get any more fantabulously horrible, we get this Melissa-packed, hate-filled night.

Back in their rooms after the previous nights' service, Rock tries to tell Josh why he nominated him to go home but Josh just disagrees with him. It's fairly amicable. On the other hand, Bonnie whines to her girls how no one patted her on the back or supported her after service. I'm not quite sure what her deal is here because if you all recall, Ramsay singled her out as the worst of her team, so just what back-patting does she think she's due? Melissa reminds her it's a "fucking competition" and then tells us that Bonnie is a "failure waiting to happen." After asking for back pats, Bonnie wonders aloud to her team if she even deserves to be there. Make up your mind, donkey! Meanwhile, Melissa strokes her Amber Waves of Annoying. If I were her, I'd spend more time spackling that acne volcano on her chin than fussing with her hair. Seriously, we were starting to wonder if it was a sudden wart.

Next morning on location at Bristol Farms, Chef Ramsay informs the teams that they will be cooking for a "weddin'" reception. Why would you ever choose to have your reception at a place that has "hell" in the name? Imagine the invitations. Man, I hope they aren't Catholic. Each team will have to create one appetizer, one fish entrée, and one meat entrée. They have $100 and thirty minutes to spend and shop. Hmm, this looks oh so very familiar. Melissa decides to "take the lead" or, as we like to call it, get bossier than God, and pushes her team to do a duck entrée. Melissa tells us she took the lead because her team has needed that from her time and time again. When the teams check out -- to the sounds of a "O, Fortuna"-esque chorus -- the girls are just under their budget and the boys are over by nearly $40. After some argument, the boys finally figure it all out.

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Hell's Kitchen




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