Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
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Day 9

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 9
Best Ramsay Quote of the Night: "That sounded like a drunk country-western singer."
Best Contestant Quote of the Night: "Stop talking -- you might have a little more energy. Just be quiet for a minute." -- Rock to Bonnie. Of course.

Unbelievable. UN-FLIPPINGBURGER- BELIEVABLE! I'm still not over Julia's send-off last week, and NOW I can't EVEN get long-sought satisfaction from a Bonnie ousting? Ugh. I can't believe I tempted fate in this way, but when I started the show tonight, I hurriedly wrote: "Anyone who didn't see Bonnie going home needs to take off their jacket and give it to me. DONKEY!" Wrong. Sad and wrong. Another week of Bonnie whining and crying and simpering and blonding. I mean, I don't love Jen, but I certainly thought she should've been in the final over Bonnie. This whole episode, I had one mantra: "Get rid of Bonnie. Get rid of Bonnie." But then her voice kept popping into my head whining, "Oh, my God, you guys, people on the Internet thing are soooo mean!" and I can't get rid of her!

Starting the episode off in the usual way, the final three get emotional over Julia. Bonnie sounds like she's crying in her audio, but we only get her back, so I'm thinking it's more of the forced stuff she pulls later. Rock, alone and outside, also cries. Although he tells us he's really sorry to see Julia go, I'm more inclined to believe he's doing more of the same crying he did last week about his loss of control. As to that, he and Jen quickly do a kiss and make-up sort of thing in the opening of the episode.

The next morning, the ripped-off Quickfire idea has a ripped-off theme: remake comfort foods, elevating them to a gourmet level. At least they weren't told to de-cholesterol-fy them. Rock has to remake spaghetti and meatballs, Jen is assigned fried chicken, and Bonnie -- with a great deal of complaining, face-pulling, and general acting like one of the things she nannies -- pulls Warren's favorite: franks and beans. Bonnie announces that it's a British dish and that's why she's an ignoramus about it. Since Lia could tell her what not to do, I'll tell you what one of my chef friends suggested when the dish showed up on Top Chef: cassoulet. Of course, it couldn't have been attempted in the low-cholesterol version because if you take out the sausage, butter, pork, goose, bacon, and duck confit, you just have...beans, really. But here, Bonnie could have attempted something along those lines, even without having to confit her own duck. But why am I helping Bonnie? As far as I'm concerned, she can go hang herself with her own franks casing. In a twist, the judges of the day will be THEIR MOTHERS! YOU GET A MOTHER AND YOU GET A MOTHER AND YOU GET A MOTHER! EVERY! BODY! GETS! A MOTHER!

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Hell's Kitchen

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