Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Montykins: B+ | 781 USERS: C+
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One Contestant Goes Missing

Dish Three comes from Corey, 25, a private chef who looks sort of vaguely like Lisa Kudrow. Gordon asserts that the dish, like Corey, is simple, plain, blonde, and boring. We don't see him taste it. Jason, 29, sous chef, receives some sort of vague "canned food" rebuke. Shayna, 28, owner of a catering company, seems to have burned her food.

Matt, 35, is a sous chef who describes himself as a "culinarian". I have my doubts about that word, but it does appear 38,300 times in Google, including a place to become a "certified culinarian". In the space of thirty seconds, I have gone from being skeptical about whether there's such a thing to wondering if Matt is certified. He's made "Exotic Tartare", which involves venison, diver scallops, caviar, and white chocolate. I like that he has a name for his dish instead of just listing the ingredients. Gordon asks him if he's high before listing more ingredients (quail eggs! Lime zest! Capers!) There is a dramatic pause...and then Gordon Ramsay throws up! Oh my! You'd have to think that's going to be bad for whoever has to go next. Ramsay tells Matt that it was the worst thing he's ever tasted, and also to piss off. Matt interviews that he doesn't know what he didn't like. I'm going to guess that "everything" is a good start.

Next up: Dominic, 43, a stay-at-home dad who looks like a thicker Mo Rocca. Like two Mo Roccas standing right next to each other. Or one Mo Rocca that has eaten a second Mo Rocca. He's been cooking at home for ten years, although his children are nine and six years old. He feels that his experience with screaming children will see him through, but he fails to take into account the fact that it's easier to deal with your children, whom you presumably love, than with a shrieking British person who hates you. Unless your kids are British, I guess. He's made chicken cacciatore and roasted orizo. Ramsay feels it's not exciting enough for a 45-minute dish, but you notice he didn't vomit.

Hell's Kitchen

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