Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 21
Best Ramsay Quote of the Night: "If you come in my kitchen with a hat like that, I'll stick it in your [bleep] sideways."
Your New Recapper: Me!
People Who Think It's Time to Get On With It: Pretty much everyone.
Hell's Kitchen. Here we go. You can sing those two sentences to the tune of "Surf City" by the Beach Boys, by the way. Seriously, go ahead. I'll wait.
Right! We kick things off with a full moon, spooky music, and an ominous voiceover saying "For the past six months, all has been quiet at Hell's Kitchen. But although the monster slumbers, the memories live on." It's all very atmospheric in a way that suggests that somebody's been watching a lot of Tim Burton movies during the offseason. Also, they're now trying to claim that the previous seasons' winners are the only three to have "ever survived Hell's Kitchen." Really? I always wondered where the chefs are going when they walk down that brightly-lit corridor. Apparently they're being slaughtered. Interesting!
Next we have the ceremonial lighting of the millions of fires and spotlights that festoon the outside of Hell's Kitchen itself, making it as bright as the sun. But there's no time to speculate on their moth problem because we have to get the extremely short introductions. Gordon Ramsay is "The Dark Lord", one lady is "chomping at the bit", another lady asserts that the gloves are off and some guy would like it to be Brought On. That's a lot of metaphors to work through, and I don't think I'm prepared to bring them all into line because we cut to Gordon telling the assembled chefs about the prize. But the chefs haven't assembled yet because we're still at the start of the show, so I'm going to save the prize until later. I have a theory it will be mentioned again.
There are more flashforwards, suggesting that tables will be turning, people will be stepping on other people, throwing people under busses, and having problems with people who treat people...stupider than them? I'm not sure I caught all of that last one, but I have a horrible feeling that it's not going to make any more sense in context. Also, someone thinks that "stupider" is not a word. I'll look forward to that!
But it will not be all sadness. For some chefs, this will apparently be a "dream world," which is illustrated by a cheap carnival Tilt-A-Whirl and assorted fist-pumping. Also, Ramsay will be shouting at people, which naturally comes as quite a surprise. He also throws things and requests that things be shut down. This sequence ends with him saying "Same [bleep], different day," which may mean he's noticed that some of these antics are a little formulaic.