Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
Just Like You Said It Would Be

Mikey has the mohawk. Holli is a cute brunette. Jason is a largish African-American gentleman with kind of a goatee. Ed seems perky. Siobhan seems very perky and has long hair, possibly in either cornrows or dreads. Nilka may well be sassy. Stacey looks like a soccer mom. Andrew has kind of a Kenneth-the-Page vibe. Fran is the one who just said she was 44 years old. Maria looks kind of like a younger Fran. Salvatore is younger than I was hoping for from his name. I like Autumn and I have no basis for that. Benjamin is the one I will confuse with Andrew a lot. Jamie gets short shrift here because I'm distracted by the little bat-winger Jean-Philippe there. Jay has blue hair and I'm pretty sure that's the only interesting thing about him. Scott winks at the camera so I hate him. I think that's everybody. I'm not going back to check.

Okay, here we go! Everyone's cooking! The men are in one kitchen and the women are in the other, because Gordon Ramsay has no interest in changing even one tiny aspect of his show from season to season. Stacey says she'll "make it work" (wrong show, but nice try) and brags about cooking for Nathan Lane and Don Rickles, among others. And Martha Stewart, for some reason. Holli can't find the trash can and pretends in an interview that she was "being cute." One of the basic problems in our society, if you don't mind me going slightly off topic, is that the concepts of "cute" and "dumb" are too easily confused. By the "cute," if you know what I mean. Although I've just noticed that I did, in fact, call her cute in the previous paragraph. Anyway, Holli has heels on and falls down. Always funny!

The dishes are finished and the press has been hustled outside to change clothes so they can pretend to be dinner guests later on. Gordon grills the contestants. Who will be this season's gag entries? One of them is a stay-at-home mom who writes cookbooks but has never worked in a restaurant. Her dish is scallopini of some sort and Gordon tells her it's delicious. Gordon gives her a hug and Maria tells us that it's completely un-Ramsay-like, which tells me she's never watched The F-Word. Then Gordon kisses her on the cheeks. Then the lips. Then he starts making out with her. She turns out to not be a contestant at all! It's his wife in a wig! Feel free to make snarky comments about that affair he was supposed to be having. Incidentally, his wife really does write cookbooks.

So now that we've gotten the gimmick out of the way, Gordon assures the chefs that he only cares about the food, not the resume.

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Hell's Kitchen




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