Heroes
Distractions

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Who's Yer Daddy? Oh. It's Nathan.

Daddy Hiro wants Baby Hiro to come home and go back to work. Hiro says he's on an important mission. Yeah, how 'bout you get BACK to that important mission, homes? Instead of running around looking for a stupid fucking samurai sword that probably has nothing at all to do with your damn powers, you could be flinging around in time and getting some shit DONE. Daddy Hiro's all, get your ass on a plane. Hiro's all, but I have to go to Vegas. Daddy Hiro's all, don't give a shit. Get your ass on a plane. Hiro's all, but cubicles suck! Daddy Hiro's all, did I mention the don't give a shit? Ass. On plane. Now. Hiro's all, uh, not so fond of the corporate thing, Dad. Daddy Hiro's all, okay, then, how would you feel about it if I made you an executive vice president? You're supposed to be the CEO someday, son! Start acting like it! Sister Hiro's like, damn, I hate that my father's old-school ways make it impossible for me to take over his company! Ando's all, your sister's hot!

Hiro says that he has a different destiny than CEO in mind for himself, and that destiny involves taking the dino painting to Vegas so that he can steal Takezo Kensei's sword, then use his powers to stop a bomb from blowing up New York. Daddy Hiro's like, son, did you force-feed yourself a jar full of apeshit this morning? And what's this crap about Kensei's sword? Those were just stories I told you to get you to shut the hell up about Donkey Kong when you were a little kid! Hiro's all, Dad, I can totally bend space and time -- I just need that stupid sword to do it! Daddy Hiro's all, here's what I think of your stupid-ass destiny! And he rips the dino painting into quarters and throws them on the ground in a huff. "We're going home!" he snaps. Hiro looks sad.

Cut to Niki, passed out on the floor of the interview room, the room around her in shambles. A gaggle of guards storm in as she wakes up. She's totally confused as to what's going on until they grab her and she sees Dr. Demento on the floor in the corner with a couple dozen Taser burns in her back. She's not dead, but she's in a bad way. Niki freaks the fuck out and demands to be taken back to her cell. The guards are all, uh, DUH. And then they knock her out.

Commercials. Norbit looks like a really stupid movie. Know what else is stupid? Releasing said stupid movie BEFORE the Oscars. Hi, Eddie Murphy? Here endeth your "comeback," dude. You can kiss that little gold statue goodbye. Because once the Academy voters have seen that poster where you're both Norbit AND the big scary fat black lady, they're going to wonder what the fuck they were thinking by nominating you in the first place. Nice going, Dr. Doostupid.

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Heroes

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