Man. Being a superhero sucks more than you'd think. And it's not nearly as fun as it should be. And in the case of several of our new heroes, itâs downright painful and resembles someone taking a really high-pressured crap.
In tonight's premiere episode, we meet the son of a prominent professor who was "disappeared" while he was researching the possibility of human beings with supernatural powers; an indestructible cheerleader who can walk through fire without getting burned and whose bones have an annoying tendency to poke through her skin; a cyber-porn yummy mummy who either has the ability to divide herself in two and kill people or is actually totally schizoid; a whiny Emo hospice worker who thinks he can fly; his bitchy brother with political aspirations; a heroin addict with visions of the future; and a rather charming Japanese Star Trek geek who not only believes in his superpowers, but actually seems to understand them AND be able to control them.
An eclipse of the sun seems to be involved, but just how is never really articulated. And the kind of evil shadowy government bad guy also appears to be the adoptive father of the indestructible rah-rah girl but his story isn't clear yet. In the end, Emo decides to jump off the edge of a building in order to make his mark on the world (or the pavement) but instead of flying away like Superman without a cape, he just plummets down and is about to land on his bitchy brother when the bitchy brother actually swoops up to save him. Looks like this is one politician who will be soaring through the polls!
Thank you. I'll be here all night. Tip your waitresses.
Oh awesome! The first episode of this show begins with an exposition scroll! You know, kind of like Star Wars, only without the fadeout into the distance and the kickin' John Williams music. Dammit. I need popcorn. The exposition scroll says, "In recent days, a seemingly random group of individuals has emerged with what can only be described as 'special' abilities. Although unaware of it now, these individuals will not only save the world, but change it forever. This transformation from ordinary to extraordinary will not occur overnight. Every story has a beginning. Volume One of their epic tale begins here... " The scroll fades away and we get a spinning earth being darkened by an eclipsing moon and the "Heroes" title splashed across it.
Seriously? Popcorn. STAT.
We then get a close-up of a very cute actor by the name of Milo Ventimiglia. I had no idea who he was before everyone on the boards informed me of where they'd seen him last. He's playing Peter Petrelli on this show. Yes, I could just pretend not to know everyone's names, but I've been so totally psyched about it starting that I've obsessively visited the show website for weeks now and, also, there are a HELL of a lot of characters on it, so I think it's best just to get the introductions out and over with, no? So, anyway, Peter's shifting his eyes around and looking generally uncomfortable as a voice with an Indian accent says, in voice-over, "Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered? Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps the answers lie in not looking at all. Not dreaming. Not yearning." The camera pulls back, and Peter appears to be standing on the edge of a roof somewhere. On the rooftop surface behind him, titles appear, as if printed on the tarpaper itself: "CHAPTER ONE 'GENESIS'." Oh, that is just so very kick-ass. The camera slides past title and over Milo, who looks like he's just about to drop over the edge. The voice-over continues: "But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here." Then Peter gently falls forward and plummets slowly down off the building. The camera zooms around buildings and slides up streets until there's a sun flare and we're suddenly somewhere else with Peter, who appears to be just waking up from a dream.
He's wearing scrubs and sitting in a darkened apartment, reading the paper. A woman enters and apologizes for startling him. Peter says he's been having all these amazing dreams lately. The woman's father is sick in bed, and Peter appears to be his hospice nurse. The man only has a few days to live. The woman thanks Peter for being so good to her father. "Just doin' my job," says Peter. "No, you have a gift," she says. "You're like a son to him." Peter quips that this would make them like brother and sister, which would be awkward if he asked her out. No, dude. The fact that you're caring for her dying father would make it awkward. And inappropriate. Peter says as much and apologizes. The woman says she's dating someone and they quickly get off the subject of them potentially slapping their thighs together. He goes to change the IV and, after eyeballing Peter's ass a bit (inappropriate!), the woman moves away.