Heroes

Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 736 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
How To Avoid Expensive Pedicures
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: the second season started; Hiro woke up in the past and messed with Takezo Kensei's future; the Bennet family moved to California; Claire was stalked by a floating jackass; Mr. Bennet opened up a can of whup-ass on his pube-stache sporting boss; Parkman and Mohinder became Molly Walker's Two Daddies; Mohinder partnered up with Bennet to take down The Company; two Guatemalan siblings ran for the border, and one of them wound up killing a whole bunch of people with her special power; and Peter was found chained up in a container. Shirtless. You heard me. And you'll hear me again, because Peter's pretty much shirtless throughout this episode, and I don't care if you're a straight male who's watching this show: it's really all about Milo Ventimiglia without his damn clothes on and you know it.

We begin with Shirtless Peter, strapped to a chair, getting splashed with a big bucket of water. Oh, great. So now he's shirtless AND WET? I'm never getting through this episode. The two Irish henchmen from the end of the last episode are basically torturing Peter for information. They keep hitting him and hitting him, demanding to know where their damn iPods are, and all I can think is that Ireland must not have an Apple store anywhere in the country or, like, access to THE INTERNET because when the fuck did iPods become gangster currency? ["One thing I have learned from recapping Season 2 of The Wire is that folks love to fence stolen goods, and they don't really care what. Digital cameras, acetone, cars...I could go on." -- Wing Chun] We learn that the Irish gangsters hang out in a pub called "Wandering Rocks," and that's how I know that no one on the writing staff has ever been to Ireland: no self-respecting Irish publican would ever name their fucking bar "Wandering Rocks." That's practically like naming it "Shillelagh Stick" or "Erin Go Bragh's!" So, whatever, Peter's wet and shirtless and the leader of the Shamrock Boys is demanding to know where the hell Peter stashed the iPods, even though, hi, he was practically stapled to the inside of the container, with no iPods in sight, so I'm thinking that someone LOGICAL would maybe realize that Peter was a PRISONER not a THIEF. Why am I so angry? Shirtless Peter tells Sir Shamrock that he has no idea how he even got into the container, which might indicate that he also has no idea where the iPods are, but Sir Shamrock thinks it's fishy that Peter wound up in the one container they were going to rob. This storyline is completely retarded, but it affords us the opportunity to see Milo wet and naked, so I suppose I can allow it. But this scene can be summed up thusly: Shamrock Boys want the iPods, Shirtless Peter doesn't know where they are, so the Shamrock Boys continue to try and beat the information out of him.

Heroes

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