One Giant Leap

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve...

She says that she doesn't want this to turn into a fight, and if they talk, she's sure it will. She then pulls that passive-aggressive "our marriage means nothing to you" bullshit that some people are really good at. I'm an expert at the strategically placed "Nothing" myself. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Really? You seem weird." "Huh. That's funny. Because I don't FEEL weird." "No, really, what's wrong?" "Oh, NOTHING." My boyfriends LOVE that. Matt blows up at her, saying that he does care about this marriage, but he has a lot of shit going on right now; you know, like SAVING THE WORLD? She just gets in his face and says that she has a lot of shit going on too and that it was supposed to be a good thing when she made associate at the firm but ever since she did, it's been like he's mad at her for getting what she wanted because he hasn't. Oh, burn. Not his fault he's dyslexic and a bad test-taker, lady. Why don't you go put your bra on and go get us some damn Dove bars and make yourself useful instead of bringing everybody down?

The second she drops the insult in his lap, she immediately looks regretful and pushes past him so her back is to him. Matt says he doesn't mean to be unhappy about her success, it's just that it's hard for him. "I can't do this anymore," she says in her mind. "I wish he would just leave." It's unclear whether or not Matt realizes that she hasn't actually said this out loud, but he responds, "Fine. I will." Mrs. Parkman looks baffled as to how her husband somehow heard her thoughts. He leaves to go get drunk and listen to the thoughts of sad barflies.

Oh, ew. Claire's making out with Jock the Rapist on the bleachers. He leans her back and they both seem to be enjoying it thoroughly until Jock starts sticking his hands up her spanky pants. ("Where the HELL are my spanky pants?") Claire stops him and tells him they should take a little break. He asks if she wants to go back to the party in a kind of annoyed tone, and she just says she's going through something and she doesn't know quite how to handle it. Jock totally understands. If by "totally understands," you mean "starts to stick his tongue in her ear." She tells him to stop, and he grabs her by the shoulders and turns her around, saying, "You know what? You just need to relax." Yes, because being grabbed is so RELAXING.

Jock the Rapist decides that this can go one of two ways: he can either lull her into a false sense of security by saying that she's pretty and he'll take care of her, or he can just start shoving his tongue into every available facial orifice she has and hope she's not strong enough to fight him off. He chooses the latter. He pushes her back on the bleachers, and she does her best to get him to stop, but he's got about a hundred pounds on her and a hard-on for young flesh. They fall to the ground and Claire starts screaming as he rips open her sweater and tells her to be quiet. He then -- oh, this poor actor -- puts his forearm up against her throat and says, "Don't be a bitch! Let it happen!" Guh. I sincerely feel sorry for any actor who has to perform a rape on someone, or be the rape victim. That shit is NOT fun, especially if you happen to be a nice person. I don't know if this actor is nice or not, but still. Gross.

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