Heroes

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: C | Grade It Now!
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They Got Carnivale in Our Heroes

Claire's carrying her box (and one duffel bag and a messenger bag) up the stairs in her dorm room hall as the episode title chyron -- "Chapter One: Orientation" -- appears behind her on the wall. And she's in Arlington, Virginia. Seriously all I can see in her box are stuffed animals and a trophy. If you pack that light, Claire, you leave that crap at home. She enters her room, where one half is already decked out all pink and the other side is hers. Claire's crazy, overprepared roommate Annie comes in carrying a stack of textbooks, introduces herself and immediately starts bugging Claire about why she was so private that Annie couldn't friend her on Facebook before meeting and how she has a life plan and Claire should have one, too. I hate her, and mostly that's just because the show is stupid enough to make her so over-the-top that she puts Tracy Flick to shame. But we all know subtlety isn't part of this show's vocabulary. Anyway, nothing important is established in this scene other than Annie being batshit. Oh, and Claire got her GED, but got into this amazing school that cannot be named anyway, because her "scores" were high. Claire tells Annie that her mom breeds championship show dogs (really? Mr. Muggles?) and her dad works for the government. Annie also tells Claire she needs to place into some class at a placement test today. This is all a dumb storyline that goes nowhere and I'm annoyed at this show for making me recap it.

Tokyo. A giant billboard of Ando and Hiro, then a smaller version in a room they're sitting in. They have apparently started a "Dial A Hero," but they haven't gotten any calls. Ando says no one understands the company, so it's not really working, but Hiro pulls out a bar graph to convince him otherwise. It's not clear if it convinces him because Ando glimpses a photo from their childhood, and tells Hiro what happened that day (WHEN HIRO WAS THERE, ANVIL SEEKERS): Ando spilled his drink on Hiro's sister, and that's the moment she started hating him. Man, what a priss. Why would he even care if she's that uptight? Hiro: "Women. What are you going to do?" Ando says he still loves Kimiko, but she thinks he's an idiot. Just then, she storms in and yells at them for spending all of this money on "Heroes for Hire" (don't worry: Hiro corrects her on the company name). [Good, becase that's a Marvel Comics lawsuit waiting to happen. - Zach] Kimiko thinks this has Ando's name written all over it, by which she means "inane" and "irresponsible." She storms out, with Hiro just saying "bar graph" to try to convince her. Ando's like, "See? She hates me." Yes, Ando, we see that. Thanks for that completely useless scene. Then the phone rings, and someone's looking for a hero, it seems, judging by the way Hiro's face lights up.

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Heroes

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