Jacob's DVR refused to record the second episode -- and I do not blame it one bit -- so I'll be handling the weecap. And I will be putting the "wee" back into it, too, because holy shitballs is this show boring.

Paula's in L.A., looping dialogue for a guest shot on Family Guy. She voice-overs that she loves the show; we see her slurring through a line parodying her role on American Idol. Creator Seth Macfarlane says she doesn't have to stick to the line as written if she wants to do something "more natural" -- probably because he knows she's going to biff it, so he might as well make it sound like part of the plan instead of an ongoing frustration. She finishes her, like, one line that probably took close to an hour to get right, then complains as she's taking her headphones off that Macfarlane "didn't let [her] say 'it's pitchy.'" Then she claims she doesn't want to say that. Then she says she wants to say something more out of character next time, like "you suck." She's really into that phrase.

Then there's some socializing in the halls of the production company. Paula talks about how men she dates are more impressed with her guest shots on Family Guy than they are with AI. She "flirts" with Macfarlane, who responds in the bluff tone you use when you don't want crazy people to think you think they're…you know. Crazy. Paula's dog runs around, unleashed, and she says she hopes it didn't poop anywhere, but dog people + entitlement = total lack of accountability, so she doesn't look around for any poop or worry about whether it'll get cleaned up. She just "hopes" there isn't any.

Paula goes to New York to receive some sort of fashion-icon award. Of course, she's running late. Maybe if it didn't require a retinue of 68 people for her to do the littlest goddamn thing, it might lower the on-time difficulty rating, but whatever, she's poured into a navy-blue one-sleeved mermaidy contraption. It's a serviceable enough dress but she's accessorized it with every gaudy piece of costume jewelry from the dress-ups box. It's just way too much…not even "bling," exactly. The kind of jewelry that you can tell is expensive precisely because it appears so cheap.

Anyway, in the limo, her publicist, Jeff, attempts to get her focused on her acceptance speech, which she hasn't looked at yet. She's missing the dinner part of the event, which is evidently a problem because she gets all spazzy when she hasn't eaten. Sorry: "even more spazzy" is what I meant to say. She's incredibly slurry and "I have a fashion for passion" spoonerisming all over the place. Jeff asks if she wants to have a look at her speech. She vagues that she's not so good with speeches. You can see various iterations of this conversation in every gin blossom on Jeff's nose as he's like, "YEAH NO SHIT LADY!" but swallows it and hands her a piece of paper. She reads it out, has some difficulty with the word "honored," mangles the Catskills joke he's put in there, and then, when he jokes about it, tells him to shut up. You might have missed that, because it came out as "shup, Je'frrr." She is presenting as very very drunk here, right at that point where most other people either pass out or get that "ohshit!" face and then hurl really dramatically. More in this vein before she tosses the speech paper in the air.