Since Greta would drive anyone to drink, Johnny decides to hit up an AA meeting in town. There he meets a drag queen, played by Beverly Leslie from Will & Grace, who is dressed in a sensible cream-colored pantsuit that he no doubt uses for his "Barbra: The Brolin Years" cabaret. Beverly Leslie is full of plain-spoken Southern wisdom, and he tells Johnny, essentially, to hang in there. On his way home, Johnny spots Greta on the patio of a café, and they embark upon a scene that rivals any Dawson/Joey debate on soul mates for sheer irritation. She says she only works in "moments" (she's elusive! And not looking for a commitment!), so Johnny's better off leaving her alone. She then embarks upon a little verbal questionnaire, involving evolution (she's smart! Or at least smart enough to know how to pronounce "evolution"!), Titanic (she name-drops "Leo and Kate"! So we...don't get confused!), and virginity (Johnny is one!). But, oh! Johnny turns the tables, saying Greta's questions for him said even more about her. So blah, blah, blah, he totally has her number now that he knows she's got a weird hangup about Titanic. It's the worst kind of Williamson tripe and it depresses me that he still needs his teens to be overly analytical monsters of smug who display no actual human emotion or desire beyond self-satisfaction. On a completely related note, nobody has sex in this entire episode. I was promised a sexy summer soap!
At home, Johnny gets weird about his mom and Bob getting all handsy on the lanai, so instead he heads on over to Cliff's to help him plant rose bushes. Cliff's popped-collar polo is pink today, and he permanently looks about half a second away from shoving his tongue down Johnny's throat. Anyway. We learn more about Eddie, via Cliff: he dated Greta, but she "led him on, screwed with his head." And he didn't move away, he died. But that's all Cliff wants to say. Meanwhile, Liza begins "experimenting" with things like mascara and lip gloss, because she knows who's exec-producing her show and she figures it's only a matter of time until the mousy tomboy has to go all girly. Greta trespasses into Johnny's backyard and they "flirt" some more, in the pool. After she tries to pop-psych him some more about being "haunted," Johnny admits that his dad killed himself. Which should totally score him some tail, but of course it doesn't. Greta just looks at him like she understands him.
At the country club mixer or whatever the hell, Johnny meets up with Cliff and Michelle. Beverly Leslie, waiting tables sans-drag, happens by and hushes that Johnny should be wary of Cliff because "he's shifty." Liza shows up all girlied-out, but she's swiftly box-blocked by an oblivious Michelle. Greta also shows up, and she runs into Cliff, who darkly tells her to be careful of Johnny, who is "no dummy." Greta looks genuinely upset by even talking to Cliff, and tells him to leave her alone. "Of course," Cliff menaces. "That was the deal." So after 45 minutes of me spinning secret tales of Cliff putting the moves on Johnny, he now starts making faces like he's a serial killer? Not sure how I feel about that, although Michael Cassidy is magnetic either way. Greta finds Johnny, and talk turns to Eddie, which totally ruins her mood, so she runs off. Later on, at home, he and Mom have it out about her getting married so soon after Dad died, including some bonus info from Johnny, intimating that Mom was seeing other men. Many other men.