High School Reunion
Episode 1

Episode Report Card
Wendola: B+ | Grade It Now!
Episode 1

It's 1:42 PM at the house. Dan and Dave are strutting around barking dumb shit like, "All Hall Passes check in with Dan and Dave!" In an interview, Nicole talks about how intimidating the Hall Pass is. At lunchtime, or the post-lunchtime, pre-pool party cocktail hour, or whatever, Nicole hovers around Dan. In her interview, she says that in high school that she'd go to any party "where there was a Dan Barbato sighting." Like it was ever hard to spot his huge pasty face.

The classmates hang out in the pool and drink bottled water. All this flesh was brought to you courtesy of Aquafina Spring Water, apparently. Dave and Dan stand around in the pool, and Dave says to the camera, "You don't see the horns growing out of my head yet, do you?" KK: "No, but he has them all right." Dave says in an interview that "it was great to see Dan Barbato. We were very close in high school." TS: That is BULLSHIT. Dave just kissed Dan's ass because he was popular." In his interview, Dan says that Dave "seriously, in high school, was a nut."

Back in the pool, Dave opens his mouth and says various assy things like, "All I can care about is...myself." Chris glares from across the pool. Dave picks up something small, like a bottle cap or maybe his capacity for normal human interaction, and hurls it across the pool area. Remember, this asshat used to pitch baseball. Jeff gets hit in the back. "That bastard!" says Jeff. "I'm bleeding!" he exaggerates. Dave laughs and laughs and says that it's going to leave "a chocolate starfish mark" on his back. Again with the ass stuff. Chris talks in an interview about how Dave is "still a jerk and an idiot. Everything he's done is stupid and idiotic...I mean, that's not even high school. That's like, sixth grade." In the pool, Dave calls over to Nicole in a sing-song voice: "Hall Pass girl! Hall Pass girl!" "You think that's funny, huh?" says Nicole. She seems to get that he's not flirting but just being a prick instead. TS: "I bet he'll tell her he'd like to shove his nose up her ass. He liked to say that. The hell? What does that even MEAN?" ["You know, it's not often that I feel relieved at having gone to all-girls' school, but…damn. Shut up, Davewad." -- Sars]

Later on, Nicole and Dan are alone in the pool. Nicole voice-overs that she's never asked anyone out on a date before, so she's nervous. "I'm just going to try and work the casual," she says. Nicole sits at one end of the pool. Dan stares into the distance. Nicole sits at another end of the pool. Dan drinks some water. Nicole sits at a strategic forty-seven-degree angle across from Dan in the pool. Nicole treads water at the northeast corner of the pool and practices principles of feng shui. Dan looks at a plane passing overhead. Dan totally knows what's going on, but he just lounges around quietly like some Zen master or something. Finally Nicole asks him out. He says yes. "I was extremely relieved," says Nicole. "Dan is going to be my future husband anyway, so I think I might as well go out on a date with him." Uh-oh. She's mentioned this "future husband" thing too many times now to be a joke. Oh, no. No no no.

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High School Reunion




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