Note: I apologize for the lack of viewer commentary from JS, LT, and KK, due to the fact that we watched this on Sunday night in a bar near Oak Park where a dozen people from the High School Reunion cast were also in attendance, and somehow it just didn't seem like the ideal environment for shouting "Shut up, Nasnatcha!" at the TV.
Opening credits, with the cheesiest theme song ever. Look how far Natasha's come! Oh yeah, Ben's not turning back! Look at what Jason's done! Holly's not explaining! The way Dan B. and Dave used to be tonight! But now Patricia's got the chance to make Maurice right! Do or die! Chris can't take it back! Fear not, Summer! 'Cause here's Amy's chance to! Relive what Tim's been missing! The days Jeff was in high school! Can Nicole remember? Then come on, Sarah! Look how far Maya's come! Hold on, Dan P.! Okay, those aren't quite the lyrics.
It's morning of Day Five. Natasha jogs along the beach. Or maybe she's desperately racing around trying to find where they planted the night vision camera from last week's episode. At the house, Tim, Jason, Amy, and the other classmates are in the kitchen plotting something. "This is going to freak her out," says someone. Nicole explains in an interview: "We knew Holly had posed for Playboy, so somebody was going to walk into her room completely butt-naked and serve her breakfast." Jason and Tim walk upstairs with plates of fruit and find the door to Holly and Summer's room. Tim pulls off his bike shorts and walks in behind Jason bare-ass naked. Dear God. I don't think Tim had even hit puberty the last time I saw him in 1989. Uh, well, evidently he did. Jeez, Tim, did they keep you in the basement since '89, too? By now most of the other classmates have gathered outside the door and they're cracking their shit up, and Tim is walking towards Holly's bed, calling, "Fire!" Holly peeks out to see him holding a plate of food right over his wonderfulness. Tim explains that it's in honor of her Playboy appearance. Holly hides her head under the covers. What? She doesn't like the fruit? The mini-muffins? There are two, you know.
In an interview, Holly explains that people probably remember her in high school as being very formal, and determined, and conservative in her views. See? She had to pose in Playboy in order to be understood. Wait, what did her picture in Playboy look like again? Can you show it maybe a third time now? Thanks. Wow, you can really see her expression of dawning self-actualization there. Also her ass. "Looking back, I have no regrets about having done the Playboy Big Ten issue," she says. She says that her classmates were probably "shocked" when they saw her picture. In an interview, Jeff says -- like, with shock, I guess -- "She's hot!" Dave is interviewed saying that Holly is "the quiet wild girl." Natasha asks Dave who he likes. "Dave's got a crush on one of the girls!" she says, all sing-songy. God, she's regressing. Didn't she talk more like a grown, educated woman on Day One? Now it sounds like she collects unicorn stickers. Dave confesses that if he were to get a Hall Pass, he'd ask out Holly. "Whether or not I can bring out some sort of wildness in her…I'm going to try," he says. Because it's all about Holly's self-improvement.
Ben, Natasha, and Sarah are on the beach, talking about how Ben looks totally different. We see Ben's old photos again and see a baby-faced kid with a sort of bewildered expression look on his face. His big eyes seem to be saying, Pinewood Derby is cool! No, wait: girls are cool! No, wait… "I gave up on having game a long time ago," he says, so he decided to be a Nice Guy instead. "Ben is a nice guy," says Patricia. "Thank you, but nice guys finish last," says Ben. Oh, poor tall, white, wealthy twenty-something male with the chiseled features. In an interview, Natasha says that "Ben's cool" and she would have liked to have spent more time with him, "but it seemed like he was really nervous around me." Cut to a shot of Ben lying near Natasha on the beach with his baseball cap over his face, which to me doesn't say "nervous" so much as it does "trying to block out sun and sing-songy Natasha blather." Dan B. adds that Ben "was not very socially involved," and "looked like a little kid in his yearbook pictures." Now Ben wants respect! The respect that his manly cheekbones deserve!