Note: I watched this final episode at the cast viewing party at the Landmark Arts Gallery in Chicago. Thanks to Summer for inviting me, and thanks to everyone else in the cast for not, like, kicking my ass.
The Ass Passers return from their overnight dates. Holly and Dave are the first to return to the house, and the rest of the classmates start in with the mandatory nudge-nudging and wink-winking, because, after all, it's why they're there. In an interview, Dave says it was great to be with Holly and "to have a situation where it was just her and I." Man, I sure hope the OPRF English faculty has a kick-ass drinking game for all these grammar mistakes. "Misuse of subject-case pronouns," says Dave's old teacher. "Oh, crap -- two drinks for me." "Was it an Honors class, Saundra? Because then you have to do a shot." "Fuck! Fuck myself!" Holly unties the wrapping on the bouquet of roses Dave got her and playfully puts the twine around Tim's neck. "You can wear this for Prom," she says. Why? Is it hemp?
Ben and Maya's minivan pulls into the driveway. They're at it again with the gimmicky video quick-rewind-play-forward-again stuff: The van pulls in! Then it backs up! Then it goes ahead! It's like Ben and Maya's relationship! In an interview, Maya says, "We had a good kiss! We definitely did! It was enough to make me uncomfortable." Ohhhh. We get it now. Hey, Maya? That feeling you call "uncomfortable"? Most people call it "horny." In Ben's interview, he says that after the kiss, he and Maya talked. "She seemed to respond pretty well -- she seemed interested," he says. Most people say "interested," but Maya would probably use the word "itchy." Well, as long as they understand each other. "Things are definitely up in the air with Ben and I," says Maya. The English faculty drinks some more. "Hey Ted, she was in your AP class! Ha! That's THREE drinks. And buy the next round." "You're speaking in sentence fragments, Brenda." "It's colloquial, ASS."
Dan Barbato and Natasha leave their Mutual Self-Love Shack, or whatever you want to call it. Barbato says that "we were able to make a connection," but they're one day closer to going home. They get into the minivan. There's a shot of them riding in the van together, apparently making a great effort to ignore each other in classic Morning After mode. Except it was filmed on their way to the cabin instead of on the drive home -- you can tell by the clothes. Natasha voices over that she's "confused." No kidding, with continuity like this. As they're walking in, Natasha says to Dan, "You're not going to tell them about what happened, right?" They're just going to refer to their supposed sex in front of a camera, right? Yeah. They talk with Dave in the kitchen. "Did you guys fall in love last night?" Dave asks them. What? People have to ask? Their completely overstated performance didn't make it obvious? "Did you?" Natasha asks. "Uhhhh…" says Dave. They start talking about Prom. "It was kind of obvious that Dan and I were going to go to the Prom together?" says Natasha, in an interview. Natasha needs everything to be obvious? And to be said with an inflection that makes everything sound like a question? That doesn't need to be answered? Because, like, it's obvious? In the kitchen, Dan extends an arm out theatrically and asks her to Prom. Natasha voices over, "I just paused, to pretend like I didn't know" -- because she's worried that her pretending not be obvious isn't obvious enough to us -- "and then I said yes."
Time to talk about Prom. Did we mention that there's going to be a prom? There's going to be a prom. Chris says in an interview, "We had found out there was going to be a prom." Remember when Mike Richards told everyone last week that there's going to be a prom? Yeah. Because there's going to be a prom. A PROM. The classmates all have to fill out ballots to vote for Prom King and Queen. "Prom King and Queen was definitely a popularity contest in high school," says Maurice. Well, except not at OPRF, because we didn't elect a Prom King and Queen. But then again, Maurice didn't say that Prom King and Queen was definitely a popularity contest in OUR high school. He could simply be speaking in a larger socio-historical context. Or maybe Mike Fleiss said, "Want some screen time, 'Loner'? Then read from this damn cue card." Maurice admits that, on the other hand, voting for Prom King and Queen on this show "could be kind of fun." The classmates are shown filling out the ballots, which have other mock election categories including, "Most Likely to Succeed (from here)," "Sexiest Male," "Sexiest Female," "Most Annoying." Heh -- someone voted Dave "Most Improved" while someone else voted him "Classmate Still Stuck in 1992." Someone voted Maurice "Most Annoying." "It's possible that Dan and Natasha will be voted king and queen of the prom," says Patricia, who is more accurately "The Speaker Of Speculative Statements That Are Occasionally Gossipy In Nature" these days. Summer says she's going to vote for Jeff and Sarah. "Well, I think I should be voted king of the prom," says Chris. "It's obvious that I have the look, the attitude, the smile, and I'm extremely well liked." Ah, Chris, we hardly knew ya. You're like an Off-Brand Jeff. Jeff is a Twinkie but you, Chris, are a Dolly Madison Zinger. And that's okay.