High School Reunion
Episode 6

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Wendola: B- | Grade It Now!
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It's the last day in the house. The captions say "Day 1," which is either a big typo or some kind of stupid philosophical statement. It's early afternoon, but everyone is just waking up. Barbato goes downstairs and gets some coffee and brings it up to Natasha, and they act out a sweet little apology scene. Dan says in an interview, "I can totally respect her feelings of wanting to back away from this -- it's a crazy situation." Natasha says in an interview, "I hope we can still be friends." Whatever. I'm so done with them. I'm totally going to go to college in another state to get the hell away from these assholes. Oh, I guess I did that already. Well, maybe I'll have to do it again. Transcribing their dialogue has probably made me stupider.

JockDan and Patricia go into Chris and Ben's room to wake Chris up. Chris is still wearing his tuxedo trousers. Patricia asks him what he thinks the highlight of the night was. Chris mutters, "I think it was when I looked out at all my friends that I'd made, and I realized that this was the greatest moment of my life." Heh. He can be a smart-ass even half-asleep. Meanwhile, in the next bed, Ben tries to scratch himself as discreetly as he can.

It's time to go. Everyone packs their suitcases. Kong! Kong! Mike Richards summons the classmates one last time. Oh, enough with you, Mike Richards, you and your stupid creepy B.F. Skinner gong shenanigans. The classmates gather on the lawn. "It seems like just the other day you guys got here, and now it's time to go," Mike Richards says. He sounds about as sentimental as an ATM. He says he'll leave everyone to say their goodbyes. "Good luck with everything; thank you for everything." Thank them for what? For not keying his car? They would have, if he'd been in charge of them in high school ten years ago. "Aloha to the Class of '92!" he says, because, well, it's easier than saying, "Aloha to the Group Of OPRF Graduates That Most Likely Were All Under The Same Roof At Some Point In The Early '90s." Everyone cheers. Mike Richards turns away, sort of hanging his head. Aww, isn't anyone going to say goodbye to him? No? Well, I wouldn't either.

The classmates mingle. Ben and Dave are all like, "Hey! My man." In an interview, Ben says he "absolutely abhorred Dave" in high school, but now considers him his friend. At this point at the viewing party, Dave came up to Ben and shouted, "I love you, Ben -- I totally want to lick your balls!" In an interview, Chris says that Dave has shown himself to be a nicer person, and a better person. Chris wasn't at the party, so I couldn't tell if Dave had any warm ball-licking sentiments about Chris. Barbato and Natasha talk about each other some more, and if I have to recap what they have to say, I'm sure it will cancel out at least three semester hours of college English credit, so I won't. They pass a bottle of champagne back and forth, and just for a minute I thought Natasha was swigging a forty-ouncer. I would have enjoyed seeing that, but oh well. Nicole is over Dan B., and whatever; Ben and Maya whatever; Dave and Holly and their perfect whatever. I know I'm totally skimming here. Sorry. I've got senioritis. Dave voices over that he looks forward to getting back home and back to their day-to-day life and "really getting to know who each other really is." I could make fun of this, but to Dave's credit he yelled, "ARE! IS! Whatever!" at the TV during the viewing party. Well, the English teachers were probably passed out by that point.

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High School Reunion

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