Majid Javadi is mean to Fara, which as we know is her one fatal weakness. Then later she almost thinks about doing something interesting and then she's like, "Nah."
Majid Javadi is very mean to Saul, saying hurtful things in his sexy voice until Saul's eyes bug out based solely on how mean Javadi is being! He cannot believe the total meanness of his former friend! But luckily, Saul has a plan, which is to play Majid back into Iran as an asset, which he thinks will help the US fix the Middle East for them, I think. I think he seeks to make spies irrelevant.
Which is just what Lockhart wants but guess what, that cocksucker still ain't happy. Dar Adal is pretty mad about being left out of the Big Plan, but it's nothing compared to how left out Andrew Lockhart feels. He gets very stompy, and angry tiny eyes, and acts like the horrible martinet of all time that he is, to the point where -- and this was amazing, very watercooler -- Saul locks him in a conference room so he will shut up. Can you imagine being so annoying that even when you are a Senator you still get faced by Saul?
In the end, though, the whole Big Plan goes through: Majid flies back to Tehran to becoming the King of it or something, Saul gets to jerk Lockhart around and go back to being buds with Dar Adal, and then he even wins back his cheatin' wife. It is Saul's biggest day I can think of, and he didn't even have to kill anybody.
What else has happened. Well, Quinn took a shower. That's very important to note. And then he got out of the shower, and for why? To strut around his apartment like a jungle cat, true, but also to be yelled at by Dar Adal. The why of this is complex, mostly it is because he hurt Dar Adal's feelings by hanging out with Saul all the time and doing secret Best Friend activities with Saul, because who wouldn't get jealous about Peter Quinn spending time with anyone else in the world.
But the other reason is that he was caught on camera at the murder house where Javadi first demonstrated his true amount of pep by murdering everybody. Carrie tries to make the cops stop trying to find him, but they are strident and obnoxious and a little bit like Andrew Lockhart toward her. Eventually Quinn offers to confess to the murders so that they will close the case, and he does that, which is good because it felt like he was confessing to killing that little boy that time. However, he is still very much over being in the CIA, especially if Dar Adal is going to come yell at him in the shower, which is Quinn's alone time.
Carrie meanwhile takes a break from her busy schedule of hating absolutely fucking everything about Fara, which is weirdly hilarious, to get some quick morning sickness -- I wonder if she is pregnant? She should probably take a pregnancy test to find out -- and then also to get confirmation from Majid that Brody didn't bomb Langley, which makes her feel good and validated, but also she still needs to prove it. It sounds like Martin Donovan knows the Mole? So now she needs Quinn to help her figure it out somehow. Then, she tells him, he is free to make whatever life choices she's interrupting with her needs.
So. Saul is wonderful, something actually funny happened on this show for the first time ever, Javadi is back in Iran working for us, and Quinn took a shower. All in all not a bad way to spend an hour.
Saul found both Agency and his home invaded by strange men with strange new ideas, and still somehow wasn't provoked into action by either, because his whole brain was taken up with Majid Javadi, the Big Plan, and how much he could put Carrie through before she breaks. But now that we're in the end-stages of Operation Footballer, halfway through the season, maybe he's free to think about other things. Carrie is pregnant but should probably take a test or ten to be sure, while Quinn is just about over this whole deal.
The police, including a Captain Lonza of Carrie's acquaintance, have arrived at the very gross scene of Javadi's multiple homicide. The lead detective, Calvin Johnson, is not a friend of Carrie's, which is where the problem will come from.
Johnson: "Why do they even have plum wine? Aren't Muslims..."
Forensics: "Don't worry about it."
Johnson: "How many times do you think he got her with that bottle?"
Forensics: "Like a million times probably?"
Detective Cort: "A neighbor's security camera took this very important picture."
Johnson: "He looks like a Quinn. Who is this man? I must know more."
Cort: "And yet he does not exist. Simply too perfect, Detective."
Fara: "See how I figured out everything and now you are screwed?"
Javadi: "Are you trying to impress me, little girl?"
Fara: "No, I am trying to scare you because you are the worst."
Javadi: "Saul, what is this little girl even doing? You're such a wuss making little girls yell at me and go to mental institutions and do forensic accounting on me."
Fara: "Oh my GOD I hate you."
Saul: "Fara, go change your tampon and pretend he's not totally working you on purpose."
Fara: "Apparently it's Asshole Day at Chateau Safe house."
Carrie: "Honey, if I broke down every time anybody used sexism as a weapon against me I'd be noncompliant with double the meds I'm not taking now. It's just a shitty trick. Be a spy."
Fara: "But I'm also a lady!"
Carrie: "First rule of Spy Club is, no you're not. We're talking about a guy who just got finished doing a recreational honor killing, do you really think you're gonna be the one to reconstruct him? Look, I weigh a buck ten and I'm the best spy of all time. Use what you got. When you're fighting a blind guy, use your eyes. When you're up against a person who doesn't think women are people, roll with it."