Carrie: "OH HEY GUYS AM I LATE?"
Estes: "Carrie, you can't be in here. This is a CIA conference room for CIA people."
Carrie: "Really? Because even the actual CIA manual says you debrief with the person who was in the field. Which was me. Awesomely."
Estes: "Yeah but it's you, so we're just using your report instead."
Carrie: "It's 'me'? What does that mean?"
Estes: "Just that your reports are always so good it's like having the person, you, standing there explaining everything."
Carrie: "Okay so like why am I here? Why did Danny drop off the map and not answer my messages?"
Estes: "Because I wanted to talk to you anyway and say thanks! Great job!"
Carrie: "Like a fucking pat on the back?"
Estes: "Well, yeah. You did great."
Carrie: "Okay, I can't figure out a way to have a problem with that without making myself look stupid."
It's not stupid to want to do the thing that you're good at. She's about to be very embarrassed for wanting things she shouldn't be wanting -- she is always embarrassed for wanting things she shouldn't -- but this part isn't stupid. When you were made to do a thing, there is nothing stupid about ignoring everything that is not that thing. And if you eliminate all other possibilities, all that's left is the impossible. She didn't walk in there like an idiot, she walked in there like a person with no other option but hope.
Estes: "The stuff you pulled out of the Beirut apartment, against expectations, was actually actionable. And that's all I can tell you, because none of this is your problem anymore."
Carrie: "Aw, come on."
Estes: "Carrie, you didn't come here today expecting to get reinstated."
Carrie: "No way! That would be crazy."
He offers to walk her out. I've always wondered if, and how, he loved her, long ago. Even when he's disrespecting her to her face, he does it with such respect. He doesn't spend a lot of time sparing her feelings, which I think is really respectful. Loving. It's how, I think, he would treat anybody, but somehow with Carrie -- of all people -- I've always thought he came across as a particularly good boss.
I find a lot of comfort in the unchangeable. I know that a lack of options is really scary for some people, because we think the world owes us, but just give me something hard to put my back against, to consider what's imperative among the things that are left. Once you know some things for sure, even shitty things, they just become constants in the equation and you can go back to focusing on the variables. The thing about rock bottom is that you finally have somewhere to stand.