It looks ugly to us because we don't like women and we don't like it when Carrie acts like a woman. We like her to run around with a gun and be smarter than everybody in the room, which are good things because they are things men do. Even when she's a raving lunatic. But tie her up and beat her, like any spy can expect to be tied up and beaten if caught, let her sell out for anything else, and we strike out blindly, like addicts: At the show's producers, at the writing, at the plot, at the whole season. For some reason we think giving it up to her madness is acceptable, while giving it up to her passion is sickening.
Either way, she's giving away something she should be holding onto. Either way, she's putting somebody else between herself and the silence. But this is how she's survived, longer than we've known her: You can observe a particle's position, x, or its momentum, p. What it is, or where it's going. But never both, and never for very long. This is the way everything in the universe works, and it is the way Carrie Mathison works because the bike cannot fall over. We can't see both because Carrie literally cannot see both, turn around look at the life she's made, or the world will end. Again.
Nick: "Man, remember last time we were here? That was some psychosexual nonsense."
Carrie: "And now we're just people, basically. Careful with my wrists, they're still chafed from that time your terrorist cell leader tied me up and beat me and you killed the VP."
Estes: "Hey, you wonderful son of a gun. Did you kill Brody yet?"
Quinn: "No because they keep making out."
Estes: "I don't get how she can keep having sex with him. Doesn't she know we need to kill him to cover my ass?"
Quinn: "I myself am a deadbeat dad who lives in scarier circumstances than even Saul Berenson. I am not here to judge."
Estes: "Just shoot him, okay?"
Carrie: "Do something with these tangerines while I cook a meal for us. Like we're people."
Nick: Juggles them, adorably.
Carrie: "When you smile like a normal human being it is kind of revolting. Maybe you should practice in the mirror before you take that out on the road."
Nick: "Hey look, I found a gun! It's from when we were going to murder each other that time. Remember? You thought I was a terrorist but you fucked me anyway?"