PTSD CHURCH OR WHATEVER
Carrie: "Goodness, where have you been?"
Brody: "Okay where is my family?"
Carrie: "Yeah, they're fine. Let's focus on us, okay?"
Brody: "I thought I was going to fucking die!"
Carrie: "It's okay, I'm fine now. You're sweet to worry, though. And I won't say there weren't some touch-and-go moments for me, emotionally speaking, when I thought you were murdered."
They hold hands, and he pretends that he was also talking about their relationship.
Carrie: "Where did you go in that big helicopter?"
Brody: "I don't know because there was a bag on my head. But OMG, I left out the most WTF part which is that they were taking me to see Abu Nazir."
Carrie: "Twist! That's so crazy that the answer to the question Where is Abu Nazir would turn out to be, Just a short helicopter ride away from the Pentagon."
Everybody: "We also cannot believe it."
Brody: "Anyway, they wired me to a car battery and I was like, Screw you guys!"
Team Quinn: "Wait, why?"
Brody: "Because screw them! I love Abu Nazir more than anybody on this Earth and he's gonna torture me? That is so rude! I killed Tom Walker like four times for that asshole!"
Saul: "Right off the bat you were just like, 'Fuckin' kill me then,' huh? Looks like we got ourselves a bad-ass over here."
Brody: "Yeah, but they never even turned the battery on. They just left it sitting there for like three hours, and then Nazir walks in with a tea tray."
Team Quinn: "From a car battery and begging for death, to having tea with Abu Nazir. This is like a story a person would make up. In their crazy person imagination. To keep us from wondering if they were back in Al-Qaeda."
THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED
Abu Nazir: "You've been acting pretty sketch, lately. Roya said you tried to quit and you threw a hissyfit? Is this true?"
Brody: "Bro, I am just super tired of being a terrorist. It's like I keep doing these things you ask me to do, fine, and but then there's another one, and another one... And it's like jeez, how many favors does one blowed-up little kid get you these days?"
Abu Nazir: "Pretty sure Allah wants you to continue to do disgusting things that don't actually amount to a statement of anything in particular."
Brody: "How do we know the will of Allah?"
Abu Nazir: "First of all don't play theology chess with me. I am a lunatic fundamentalist, so nothing you say actually matters because I will just make God say what I want. And anyway, I'm pretty sure you have fucked up like 99% of the things we have asked you to do."
Brody: "I killed Tom Walker like a hundre..."
Abu Nazir: "It's really, it's... More about quality over quantity?"