Hostages
Fight or Flight

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 17 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
The Physical Impossibility of Being 2 Legit
Archer: "If Ellen doesn't kill the President, I will put a bullet in her eye."
Duncan: "You can certainly try. But it won't matter since we are getting blown up. PS, you are no longer on Team Duncan either for saying that. Now it's just me and Beardy, which basically means it's just me."

UPSTAIRS

Ellen and Tate sneak up to Duncan Carlisle with a sneaky look in their sneaky eyes. Is it finally happening? Are all their fervid dreams after twelve days locked in a house staring at Duncan Carlisle and smelling Duncan Carlisle's pheromones about to come true?

No it is not. They are simply innovating more ways to suck.

Duncan: "Fucking what do you want now. Nice job with Nina, by the way. You have no idea how bad she's bustin' my balls today."
Sanderses: "We have an idea about murdering the President."
Duncan: "Yeah, so do I. It is called this show. Let's not improv, shall we."
Sanderses: "What if instead of killing the President, we didn't kill the President."
Duncan: "I'm listening."

Basically, the shitty Sanderses are like, "Remember how everybody involved in this will be killed if it doesn't go through? Well, everybody but us that's involved in this has the benefit of not being us, and therefore are expendable. Nina, Soy-Soy, Jake and Morg-Morg. Everybody else and their families and children and wives and husbands and lives can just suck shit. Right?" And Duncan is like, Yeah. Good point. Good idea. Everybody involved in this is an asshole for being involved in this. Except us.

So they might as well have a big gay threesome at this point, because as far as I understand it this is also how Republican Congressmen are elected:

"On a scale of one to ten, one being an ideal philosophy and ten being utterly repulsive, please rate the following statements. Number one: Got Mine, Fuck You."

HOTEL

Sorprendida: "Did you want to have sex before we kill the President and I blow you up?"
Beardy: "My dick is too afraid of getting car bombed at the moment, sorry."
Scallywag: "It's cool, we can just talk. After this is over and you are blown up, do you want to start a family together? I think you'd really like my son. If you were alive, which you won't be."
Beardy: "Yeah, about that. Listen, if you... Hypothetically speaking if you were going to blow all of us up... that would not be cool? But I would be cool if you thought about doing it. Like let's just say -- again, for the sake of argument -- if somebody paid you money. Because we know money is important to you."

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Hostages

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