Off the Record

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 35 USERS: C
The 5 Stages of Ho
Beardy: "I chased you chasing them and then ran back to the truck but now I am stuck in this darn Manhattan traffic so I guess you need to blow them up and shoot them without me. Or else be a traitor to Team Duncan for money."

Blair: "Freckly spotter and Robert Harper! You have been compromised."
Harper: "What should we do? How should we adjust our agenda of shooting?"
Blair: "In no way. Just quote 'stay frosty.'"

One of them, the spotter, is all about freckles. Outside the van, Smarbly has a flashback to the passports from a few minutes ago and thinks about maybe not blowing them up and shooting them, but then she blows them up and then she shoots them.

Meanwhile, G-Man falls down fakely in front of the President so that his shooting will have more chaos. But no shot comes, so the President just calls G-Man a pussy for falling down even though it's a totally normal thing that can happen to a man or a woman or just anybody.

POTUS, verbatim: "No 'falling down' on the job, G-Man."
G-Man, verbatim: "My sole is split!"

He means his actual sole of his actual shoe, and not his soul in the Judeo-Christian sense of having a conscience or feeling weird about being next to an assassination in progress: About that, he is not split at all. He is of one mind.

Struwwelpeter grabs the bodies of the sniper and spotter and all their freckles and then she and Beardy steal their fake van with the custom shooting hole through the O in "Outlook Power Co.," because in their line of work that is a useful vehicle to have. Mission accomplished!


Gramps: "Okay Soy-Soy. I didn't have to kill your grandmother so we're free to run like fuck for another country. Er, I mean 'to Aunt Leslie's house upstate.'"
Duncan: "We saved the President so we can kill the President."
Gramps: "How does that help? We're still off-book and we all got burned. They have been sniping you from minute one. I don't understand how this fixed everything. Plus I gotta tell Soy-Soy her imaginary Aunt Leslie is too sick to see her, just like every other woman in her life."
Duncan: "Soon I will marry Ellen Sanders and Soy-Soy will have a newer, more terrible Mommy."
Gramps: "It's okay. Until then I will just shovel sugar into her mouth like a good parent."


Ellen: "It seems like almost a shame to let my shitty family out of that room we locked them in this morning. Things went so well without them fucking everything up."

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