Off the Record

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 35 USERS: C
The 5 Stages of Ho
Morgan: "I never had those things, I don't think."
Tate: "Just yesterday they had you lying to Boyd's father about his death. And Jake, you gave an alibi to that magnificent policeman. Where does it all end?"
Morgan, verbatim: "Uh, with Mom killing the President."

Good one. Good one, Morg-Morg.

Tate: "Okay but even if Mom kills the President, I still ... whatever I was just saying. Whatever sad trombone of futility about the indomitable human spirit."

Duncan Carlisle: "Everybody on your feet! You're going on a field trip! To a locked room inside your house."


G-Man: "Thanks for calling me, Tangerine."
Schmatta: "I will tell you information in exchange for money."
G-Man: "Glad we met up to remind each other of that rather simple truth. Here I have two Canadian passports, one for you and one for your money that you love so much you should marry it. If you forget about these passports, later on you will have an unnecessary flashback to remind you about the passports."
Scoliosis: "And also money?"
G-Man: "You will have lots of money! Before we obviously murder you."
Schmendrick: "Okay, I will give you information in exchange for money."
G-Man: "Yes. You will give me information, in exchange for money. And these passports."


Archer: "I am locking you very much up. All day. No school! That's one way to look at it, if you want to. Almost like a Snow Day, if snow had a gun to your skull."

Duncan Carlisle has a map of NYC that he has made out of several oddly shaped pieces of paper, which he tapes to the wall one by one. He is clearly very proud of it, even though it is like a thing a crazy person would do. It takes their entire conversation to even get halfway done but after they're done saying shit they already just said, he keeps working on it and working on it.

Duncan: "This is New York City."
Archer: "Point to the important parts and explain everything for the fifth time."
Duncan: "New York City has a church that the President is going to, and also has a man named Robert Harper who is going to shoot the President."
Archer: "Why do you know all of this?"
Duncan: "Because I made a map and it took all night and please don't question me."

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP