Off the Record

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 35 USERS: C
The 5 Stages of Ho
Blair: "Your point is that shit moves fast. We are going to need to cover our asses."
Vanessa: "[Has done so.]"
Blair: "Right and then we leak a thing to the press about a foreign terrorist cell. Doesn't matter which because racism. Money transfers will point to the involvement of a certain Middle Eastern country. Doesn't matter which because see above re: racism."
Vanessa: "I'm just glad my sister won't know that we murdered her husband, or that her husband murdered her brother, or that I murdered Quentin Creasy, or that we are about to murder everybody on this entire TV show."
Blair: "For somebody who bitches so much about her compartmentalization and denial, you do seem awfully engaged in the project of enabling it."

A fun thing you can do is pretend that "Vanessa" and "Blair" are not the FLOTUS's sister and the head of the NSA, but actually Vanessa Abrams and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. You would be surprised how often it works out, in that Dark Side Of The Moon kind of way.

Vanessa: "You know who I really want dead?"
Blair: "Yeah, Duncan Carlisle and everybody in his storyline. For reasons that confuse and, I'm not gonna lie, kinda terrify me. Oh, that reminds me. We should definitely be monitoring his phone so we know where he is."
Vanessa: "You just now thought of that? Take care. You don't want to appear complacent or else you know what happens."
Blair: "I know."
Vanessa: "What happens is, I murder you."
Blair: "Yeah, I know. Hey listen did you talk the VP into running for President and making me his Vice President?"
Vanessa: "No, I was going to do that after lunch."
Blair: "Don't tell him the part about how we are going to kill the President so actually he won't need a running mate. Or the part about how we're also going to kill him and then I will be President."
Vanessa: "I don't even want to think that far ahead. There will be nobody else to kill then. Unless you make me your VP, and then I can kill you, and then I'll be President, and my sister can fucking SUCK IT."


Swampy: "I got all your things! The schematics and things. And I just wanted to say how much fun I have with these little outings we go on."

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