Smallville
Hourglass

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Future Shock

Back at the retirement home, a sprightly young man bounds down the stairs wearing what look like blue hospital scrubs. He has goofy, buggy eyes and poor-man's-Cary-Elwes lips. We cut to a room where Young Crusty Man pulls some old newspaper clippings out from under a bed. Words like "strangulation" and "murder trial continues" are headlines on the yellowed papers. He comes to a paper with handwriting on it. The name "Zoe Garfield" is written. He "mmms" at this. Then he walks over to a mirror where he checks himself out. "Fate's giving you a second chance, Harry-Boy," he says to himself. "And this time...they're gonna pay." He points a finger-gun at himself. He's no Robert DeNiro, I tell you what.

Close shot of a woman's neck and upper chest. A red shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned and a unicorn head pendant on a necklace. We zip down over a boob to a name tag that reads "Zoe." Another great song by Gorillaz is playing ("5/4"), and I pray that this musical good taste can continue. Zoe, it turns out, is a blonde waitress at The Beanery. (We learn this week that it is indeed called "The Beanery" and not "The Tower.") Zoe is carrying a tray holding a sandwich bigger than her head. She drops it at the table where Young Crusty Man is sitting. He, wearing a wife-beater under his unbuttoned brown work shirt, looks at the burger in wonder. He inhales the patty. "God, I haven't been able to eat one of these in years. I mean, not since the bypass," he says. Zoe looks at him, dumbfounded. He tells her he's joking. "You're a riot," she says. "What can I get you to drink?" She's taking his drink order after he's gotten his food? Smallville has the worst waitresses in the world. Young Crusty Man looks up at a long menu of froofy Beanery drinks. "How much is coff-ee?" he asks, saying the word "coffee" in a funny, split up way, as if he were an alien new to the idea. "From, you know, beans," he continues. Zoe tells him it's $2.75. "Did they carry it here from South America by foot?" he asks, grumpily. Oh, the elderly! "You sound like my grandpa," Zoe says, walking off. Young Crusty Man tells her to make sure it's hot.

Pan over to Chloe, Clark, and Lana all walking in together. Chloe's hair looks as if she's auditioning for The Flying Nun. Stay away from the hairspray, Chloe. It makes for a bad habit. Clark is trying to reassure Lana, but she's upset because she misplaced an entire old person. Lana snarks that it's pretty impressive, even by Smallville standards. Lana asks who'd want to kidnap that sweet old man. Chloe opines that maybe a poi turned into a piranha and ate him. Clark smiles this weird little smile and shakes his head. "I'm just thinking out of the box," Chloe says. Crusty Young Man is within earshot, by the way. In fact, he interrupts them to tell Chloe she's got an interesting theory. He tells the gang he's new in town and that he heard this is where the young people congregate. Chloe makes fun of him for saying that, even though her own idiom is littered with clunky Kevin Williamsonisms half the time. Clark introduces Chloe to Young Crusty Man as "the rude one"; before he can introduce Lana, YCM calls her by her name. Ah, she has a name tag on. How convenient for him. He wishes them luck on finding the old person (Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Bwah ha hahahaha!), and returns his attention to the coffee, which Zoe says was brought in by burro this morning. "Thanks, honey. You're a doll," he says. Lana looks at him curiously.

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Smallville

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