House

Everybody Dies - "We start the final episode on House's face, passed out on the floor." I know that's how it starts because they read it out in the wrap-up show just before the finale. Hey, if they're going to describe the...

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Year in Review 2011: Most Memorable TV Moments

Year in Review 2011: Most Memorable TV Moments

For better or for worse, we won't forget these moments any time soon.

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

8-23
Weecap

You're Risking a Doctor's Life!

Everybody Dies - It's the last episode! Ever! Will House get out of this burning building? Will he kiss Cuddy? Who knows!

05.21.2012 A

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Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

8-22
Weecap

The Next to the Last House on the Left

Holding On - Wilson wants to give up and die, but House doesn't want to let him. Featuring the return of Doctor Thirteen.

05.14.2012
05.16.2012
A

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8-21
Weecap

Road Trip!

Post Mortem - Wilson takes House on a last desperate escape from cancer. And a guy from the morgue is sick. Then Chase quits.

05.07.2012
05.09.2012
A-

admin

8-20
Weecap

CANCER!

The C-Word - A little girl has a rare genetic anomaly that has nothing to do with her disease and Wilson's got cancer.

04.30.2012
05.02.2012
B+

admin

8-19
Weecap

Dream a Little Dream

Body and Soul - Park has sexy dreams about Chase, and an eight-year-old has unsexy dreams about being strangled by old people.

04.23.2012
04.25.2012
B-

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8-18
Weecap

Dolly

We Need the Eggs - House is shopping for a new prostitute, and the patient of the week has a realistic sex doll. Seems like the two plots could have come together, right?

04.16.2012
04.18.2012
B

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8-17
Weecap

Goon

Gut Check - Taub has issues about hockey players, apparently. And House runs an elaborate scam on Wilson.

04.09.2012
04.11.2012
B

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8-16
Weecap

Army Men

Blowing the Whistle - House might be sick. Or it might be an elaborate ruse to test the people around him. Guess which is more likely!

04.02.2012
04.04.2012
B-

admin

8-15
Weecap

Loud Noises!

Love Is Blind - A blind gentleman loses his hearing but saves his relationship. But who cares, because there's Billy Connolly!

03.19.2012
03.21.2012
B

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8-14
Weecap

A Marriage Based on Honesty

Man of the House - House's wife is back! Also, there's a guy with some sort of disease or something, I don't know.

02.20.2012
02.21.2012
B-

admin

8-13
Weecap

Lymphs and Limps

Chase - Chase befriends a nun with lymph problems and manages to find time to both sleep with her and operate on her neck.

02.13.2012
02.15.2012
C-

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8-11
Weecap

Results-Oriented Thinking

Nobody’s Fault - A chemistry teacher collapsed while jogging, and that somehow results in Chase getting stabbed. Who's to blame? Was it...YOU?

02.06.2012
02.08.2012
B-

admin

8-10
Weecap

Livin' on the Edge

Runaways - A young lady named Callie doesn't live with her parents. Also, she might have an aneurysm or something.

01.30.2012
02.01.2012
C+

admin

8-9
Weecap

Don't You Forget About Me

Better Half - Everyone lies, right? Well what about this guy with Alzheimer's? He just kind of mumbles in Portuguese!

01.23.2012
01.25.2012
B

admin

8-8
Weecap

House of Lies

Perils of Paranoia - The team handles a prosecutor who may or may not be paranoid. I mean, he's definitely paranoid, but it might not be a symptom.

11.28.2011
11.30.2011
B

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8-7
Weecap

Multiple Diagnosis Disorder

Dead & Buried - Two cases are in play: one's a girl with multiple personalities and one's a dead boy who's deaf.

11.21.2011
11.23.2011
C-

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8-6
Weecap

House Arrest

Parents - A young man's dreams of being a clown take a bad, syphilitic turn. And House goes to a boxing game!

11.14.2011
11.16.2011
B

admin

8-5
Weecap

The Case of the Missing Skin

The Confession - Everybody lies, especially people with brain problems. Even Apollo!

11.07.2011
11.14.2011
C-

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8-4
Weecap

All You Need Is Cash

Risky Business - Park's disciplinary hearing means she could get fired! But she doesn't, obviously.

10.31.2011
11.02.2011
C+

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8-3
Weecap

Minus Thirteen

Charity Case - Wentworth Miller has a critical case of overcharity and Thirteen comes in just so she can leave again.

10.17.2011
10.19.2011
B+

admin

8-2
Weecap

One of These Days, House. Bang!

Transplant - House is sprung out of prison so he can work on some disembodied lungs. And then Wilson punches him. It's all very heartwarming!

10.10.2011
10.12.2011
C+

admin

8-1
Weecap

Welcome to the Big House

Twenty Vicodin - House is in prison, but that doesn't stop him from saving crickets and misdiagnosing people with lupus. As usual.

10.03.2011
10.05.2011
B-

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7-23
Recap

House Wrecker

Moving On - House stops trying to hurt himself in favor of hurting other houses. Specifically, Cuddy's.

05.23.2011
05.31.2011
D

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7-22
Recap

Take Your Work Home

After Hours - House and the Cottages might have the night off from PPTH, but that doesn't mean they stop being doctors! No, they're either performing surgery on themselves or their prison friends or simply trying to diagnose strippers with skin cancer. Shockingly, none of their extra-curricular activities go very well.

05.16.2011
05.23.2011
C-

admin

7-21
Recap

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am

The Fix - House's team treats a promiscuous bomb scientist because House is too busy betting on boxing matches and injecting himself with stolen experimental drugs.

05.09.2011
05.16.2011
B-

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7-20
Recap

You Can't Win If You Don't Play

Changes - House tries to treat a lottery winner in between appointments with Cuddy, Cuddy's mother and Cuddy's mother's lawyer.

05.02.2011
05.06.2011
C

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7-19
Recap

Sail Away

Last Temptation - House finally gets Masters to lie to a patient just in time for her to leave.

04.18.2011
04.25.2011
B

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7-18
Recap

Oh, Brother

The Dig - Hadley is back and more annoyingly mysterious than ever.

04.11.2011
04.18.2011
C

admin

7-17
Recap

Can't Win 'Em All

Fall from Grace - House and his team treat a man who ends up being a serial killer and a cannibal, while House marries a woman who ends up not being Cuddy.

03.21.2011
03.28.2011
B-

admin

7-16
Recap

A Load Of Bull

Out Of The Chute - House's team treats a bullrider while House treats his post-break-up blues with a hotel room, Vicodin, suicidal thoughts and hookers. Again.

03.14.2011
03.21.2011
C

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7-15
Recap

Get Happy

Bombshells - Taub realizes he's treating a boy with serious emotional problems, while Cuddy realizes she's dating one.

03.07.2011
03.14.2011
B

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7-14
Recap

Diagnosis: Pants Afire

Recession Proof - Patients lie, House and Cuddy are gross, and it's not lupus.

02.28.2011
03.04.2011
A

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7-13
Recap

Back to School Fail

Two Stories - House speaks at a private school's Career Day because Cuddy is mad at him for acting like himself. Disaster ensues.

02.21.2011
02.28.2011
C-

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7-12
Recap

Forget She Not

You Must Remember This - For Valentine's Day, House half-heartedly treats both a woman with a perfect memory and Wilson's love life.

02.14.2011
02.22.2011
B+

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7-11
Recap

Murphy Down

Family Practice - Cuddy's horrible mother returns with heart problems that threaten to ruin Martha's career and House and Cuddy's relationship. But then everything stays the same.

02.07.2011
02.14.2011
B

admin

7-10
Recap

Basic Training

Carrot or Stick - A juvenile delinquent boot camp instructor and one of his pupils are ignored in favor of Chase's tiny penis and Rachel's tiny brain.

01.24.2011
01.31.2011
B+

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7-9
Recap

Murphy Frown

Larger Than Life - House puts Cuddy's mom, played by Candice Bergen, to sleep. With drugs!

01.17.2011
01.24.2011
A-

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7-8
Recap

Everybody Lies. Except Martha. Also Sam.

Small Sacrifices - Another God-loving patient shows up at PPTH to annoy House with his faithful ways, while a PPTH bigwig's wedding brings everyone's trust issues with each other to the surface. Again. Some more.

11.22.2010
11.29.2010
B

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7-7
Recap

Sail Away

A Pox On Our House - A family's sunken slave ship diving tour ends with a case of 200-year-old mystery pox that only the combined efforts of House, the new Cottage, and a Dutch stripper can solve.

11.15.2010
11.22.2010
B+

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7-6
Recap

Electioneering

Office Politics - House is saddled with a slimy, lying campaign advisor as his latest patient and an uptight, truth-telling med student as his latest temporary Cottage. Also, Taub has a surprising amount of game.

11.08.2010
11.11.2010
C

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7-5
Recap

Baby in a Corner

Unplanned Parenthood - Hilarity ensues when House has to baby-sit one child and diagnose another! Oh, except for the part where the newborn baby gets cancer and then her mom dies. That wasn't very funny.

10.18.2010
10.25.2010
C

admin

7-4
Recap

Work It Out

Massage Therapy - House gets a new lady Cottage who's just as useless as all of the other ones were.

10.11.2010
10.18.2010
B+

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8-3
Recap

Authorial Intent

Unwritten - House desperately tries to save a suicidal author. Or, more accurately, the books he still wants her to write.

10.04.2010
10.08.2010
B

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7-2
Recap

Sickle Selfless

Selfish - House struggles with his new girlfriend/boss and her refusal to let him have any fun with his newest patient, the only unselfish teenage girl in the entire world.

09.27.2010
10.04.2010
B+

admin

7-1
Recap

Lobe It Or Hate It

Now What? - House and Cuddy's day-long new relationship sex-and-talk session is pretty boring and so sappy that it makes PPTH's only neurosurgeon throw up. Well, that and the toad eggs.

09.20.2010
09.27.2010
C

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6-21
Recap

Help Me

Help Me - A crane crashes into a building, ending at least two relationships and beginning one.

05.17.2010
05.24.2010
A

admin

6-20
Recap

Flashback

Baggage - Remember at the beginning of this season when House was committed and had to go to therapy and learn to love or something? For like three episodes? And then they dropped it? Well, it's back.

05.10.2010
05.17.2010
C-

admin

6-19
Recap

Conversion

The Choice - House's patient tries to convert himself into a heterosexual while House tries to convert himself into someone fun. Neither sticks, but there was karaoke.

05.03.2010
05.10.2010
B-

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6-18
Recap

Open and Shut

Open and Shut - The show that brought us "everybody lies" decides to switch things up this week with a patient who tells her husband the truth about everything in their open marriage, which inspires Taub and Wilson to tell their women the truth as well.

04.26.2010
05.03.2010
B-

admin

6-17
Recap

Knight Fail

Knight Fall - A Ren Faire "knight" who is devoted to his anachronistic lifestyle, the occult, and steroids winds up at PPTH. House dresses up and down.

04.19.2010
04.26.2010
B

admin

6-16
Recap

Lockdown

Lockdown - A baby goes missing, so the entire staff is just forced to sit around and talk about their feelings.

04.12.2010
04.19.2010
C+

admin

6-15
Recap

Weird Science

Black Hole - As usual, the case is solved by House miraculously figuring out that the patient had sex with someone they shouldn't have. Oh, and Wilson goes furniture shopping. Riveting.

03.15.2010
03.22.2010
C+

admin

6-14
Recap

Blogs and Logs

Private Lives - This week's patient is a popular blogger who reveals everything about her personal life except the one thing that could be medically relevant: her poop. In other news, Wilson is an accidental porn star.

03.08.2010
03.15.2010
B

admin

6-13
Recap

Lisa Cuddy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

5 To 9 - Ever wonder what Cuddy does all day? Well, now you know.

02.08.2010
02.16.2010
B-

admin

6-12
Recap

4th And Goal

Moving The Chains - House juggles a college football player who'd rather die than miss his only chance to be scouted by the NFL, an army man who'd rather lose a body part than be deployed again, Cuddy's stupid boyfriend who'd rather catch a possum than leave us all alone forever, and Foreman's brother, who'd rather fetch Frappuccinos than truly show Foreman how sorry he is for his past actions.

02.01.2010
02.08.2010
B

admin

6-11
Recap

Everybody Apologize

Remorse - House treats a hot woman who turns out to be a psychopath with no conscience or emotions. Meanwhile, everyone finds a way to be sorry about something because it's in the episode title.

01.25.2010
02.01.2010
A-

admin

6-10
Recap

Three's Company

The Down Low - House, Wilson, and the Cottages mistake this week's episode for a cheesy '80s sitcom, while their patient mistakes it for a cheesy '80s cop show.

01.11.2010
01.19.2010
A-

admin

6-9
Recap

Good Friend, Bad Oncologist

Wilson - We get an episode from Wilson's perspective in which he gains a bit of spine while losing a bit of liver.

11.30.2009
12.07.2009
B+

admin

6-8
Recap

I Think I'm Dumb. Maybe Just Happy.

Ignorance is Bliss - House treats a man who would rather be dumb and happy than smart and sad, while he and his co-workers face the choice of being smart and happy or dumb and sad.

11.23.2009
11.30.2009
B-

admin

6-7
Recap

The Straw That Broke The Cameron's Back

Teamwork - Her boss is kind of evil, her husband is a murderer, and she's being forced to treat a man who's a porn star and proud of it. It's all too much for Cameron to take, so she doesn't.

11.16.2009
11.23.2009
C-

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6-6
Recap

Pants Afire

Known Unknowns - House annoys Cuddy into telling the truth and drugs Wilson to keep him from it.

11.09.2009
11.13.2009
C

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6-5
Recap

It's All In Your Head

Brave Heart - A patient is haunted by the premature deaths of his entire paternal line, Chase is haunted by his guilty murderer conscience, and House is haunted by auditory hallucinations that sound a lot like Wilson.

10.19.2009
10.23.2009
B

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6-4
Recap

Instant Coma

Instant Karma - A billionaire thinks his good fortune is the reason for his son's mysterious illness. Everyone except Cameron is too busy dealing with less interesting things to care, like Dibala's cholesterol levels and Hadley's trip to Thailand.

10.12.2009
10.19.2009
B

admin

6-3
Recap

Home Despot

The Tyrant - House and the original Cottages are working together again, but someone dies anyway.

10.05.2009
10.12.2009
B+

admin

6-2
Recap

Pwned

Epic Fail - A videogame designer's hot little hands land in Foreman's as he attempts to prove to Cuddy that he can lead the diagnostics department after House quits. By the end, House ends up getting the diagnosis anyway, Taub quits, and Hadley is fired. And yet, Cuddy still gives Foreman the job.

09.28.2009
10.05.2009
B

admin

4-3
Recap

Everybody Dies

97 Seconds - House kills his patient of the week, his patient of the week's dog, his Clinic patient, and himself. Foreman manages to save his patient's life, but can't save his job. He should have no problem finding employment at PPTH, as it's the bottom of the hospital barrel at this point.

10.08.2007
10.15.2007
C-

admin

4-2
Recap

New Kids On The Block

The Right Stuff - House whittles his forty fellow candidates down while treating a NASA pilot who doesn't want any tests that will ruin her chances of flying into outer space. Meanwhile, the former Cottages walk around PPTH in slow motion.

10.01.2007
10.08.2007
B

admin

4-1
Recap

Maturity Hour

Alone - While a team-less House bungles his way through a case to prove that he doesn't need new Cottages, Wilson and Cuddy steal things and send out silent-treatment order memos to prove that he does.

09.24.2007
10.01.2007
B

admin

3-24
Recap

Everybody Leaves

Human Error - A Cuban couple risk their lives to see House, and he treats the wife so well that her heart stops for a day, then it randomly restarts. He's able to solve the case, but he can't keep Foreman and Cameron from quitting, nor can he stop himself from firing Chase. He can't even make himself care, so how can we?

05.28.2007
06.02.2007
C-

admin

3-23
Recap

Jerked Around

The Jerk - House sends the staff on a wild goose chase to solve the mystery of Who Sabotaged Foreman's Job Interview, while, with somewhat less enthusiasm, they also try to figure out why the most horrible boy in the world -- whose personality bears a remarkable resemblance to House's -- is having severe head pains and multiple organ failure. Also, Foreman is still quitting.

05.14.2007
05.19.2007
A

admin

3-22
Recap

Folger's Crystals

Resignation - Wilson secretly replaces House's regular coffee with anti-depressants. House secretly replaces Wilson's regular coffee with speed. The patient of the week secretly replaces Tylenol gel caps with kitchen cleanser. A clinic patient secretly replaces soy tofu nut burgers with cheeseburgers. And Foreman secretly replaces the stuff I liked about his character with annoying self-righteousness.

05.07.2007
05.13.2007
B-

admin

3-21
Recap

The Yips

Family - After killing a patient last week, Foreman struggles to make necessary decisions with possible fatal consequences, which House likens to a case of "the yips," a sports-performance-anxiety-related condition. House gives him four days to get over it while he struggles with his own case of the yips -- in this case, a yippy little dog who keeps chewing up his stuff.

04.30.2007
05.07.2007
B-

admin

3-20
Recap

Huge Ego, Sorry

House Training - House is too busy plotting against Wilson and Cuddy's budding friendship and stealing Wilson's dog to stop Foreman from killing a patient.

04.23.2007
04.24.2007
B

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3-19
Recap

Everyone Has Hormones Except Cameron

Act Your Age - Even little kids have them this week, as a brother and sister are admitted for various health problems stemming from a mysterious hormonal imbalance. Wilson asks Cuddy out to the theater, prompting a jealous response from House, who then asks Cuddy out for himself. Chase tries to get Cameron back, but she still maintains that she doesn't have feelings for him.

04.16.2007
04.22.2007
A

admin

3-18
Recap

Flakes On A Plane

Airborne - Cuddy is convinced that a passenger on a flight with her and House has meningitis, and she manages to make herself and the rest of the plane's passengers almost die from meningitis they don't even have. Fortunately, House quickly diagnoses them all with mass hysteria and with being total hypochondriac babies before diagnosing the original sick passenger with sucking at SCUBA diving. Meanwhile, some lady and her prostitute come to PPTH and are subjected to the incompetence of its staff when House isn't around to bail them out.

04.09.2007
04.15.2007
B

admin

3-17
Recap

Fatal Disposition

Fetal Position - A pregnant woman is determined to save the baby that's killing her. House tries to kill the baby anyway, while Cuddy loses her objectivity, ruins the patient's lungs, threatens to kill House, and somehow manages to save everyone.

04.02.2007
04.09.2007
B+

admin

3-16
Recap

Pissed Off

Top Secret - House goes days without peeing thanks to his Vicodin usage. In the meantime, he treats the man of his dreams. (No, not Wilson.)

03.26.2007
04.01.2007
C+

admin

3-15
Recap

What Would You Say?

Half-Wit - House has terminal brain cancer, and the Cottages are too bereft to treat the patient of the week, a guy whose brain damage turned him into a musical savant played by Dave Matthews.

03.05.2007
03.12.2007
A

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3-14
Recap

Harvest

Insensitive - A girl who can't feel pain shows up in the PPTH ER, and House can't wait to steal her spinal nerves for his own selfish ends. Then she ends up actually being sick, so he has to work, too. It turns out that she has a huge tapeworm in her gut that's stealing all her nutrients, thus giving her various vitamin deficiencies. With all this going on, you'd think House wouldn't have the time to ruin Cuddy's promising blind date. He does.

02.12.2007
02.18.2007
A

admin

3-13
Recap

Scared Lovers Try Positions They Can't Handle

Needle In A Haystack - That's Cameron's mnemonic device for remembering the wrist bones, and it's also what puts Stevie into PPTH's clutches this week. Meanwhile, House fights to reclaim his parking space from a woman in a wheelchair.

02.05.2007
02.11.2007
B+

admin

3-12
Recap

One Day, One Womb

One Day, One Room - House is forced to do Clinic duty, and his rape-victim patient forms an unfortunate emotional attachment to him, which can't be good for anyone. Especially when it turns out that she's pregnant and wants to keep her baby. Cameron gets stuck watching a terminal cancer patient die. Foreman and Chase wonder what happened to their screentime.

01.29.2007
02.04.2007
C+

admin

3-11
Recap

Broken Arc Syndrome

Words And Deeds - House leaves a young male patient suffering from menopause and broken heart syndrome in the care of the Cottages while he deals with rehab and court, and they manage to get strangled and erase all of their patient's memories unnecessarily. But it's all good because Cuddy lies in court to get the case against House dismissed and Tritter is now just a bad memory.

01.08.2007
01.14.2007
C-

admin

3-10
Recap

A Little Of This, A Little Of That

Merry Little Christmas - House treats a dwarf with multiple organ failure while Cuddy cuts off his Vicodin supply to force him to take the deal Wilson and Tritter worked out for him. It's a Christmas episode that manages to be both funny and sad, almost over-the-top melodramatic and intense, and anything but heartwarming.

12.11.2006
12.16.2006
B-

admin

3-9
Recap

House The Magician

Finding Judas - Watch as he makes his allies disappear and tries to saw a little girl in half!

11.27.2006
12.04.2006
B+

admin

3-8
Recap

Passive-Aggressive

Whac-A-Mole - An eighteen-year-old stuck raising his siblings comes down with a nice variety of diseases. The patient isn't too concerned about finding a cure for his condition, though, because being sick gives him a guilt-free way to get out of parenting his siblings. Meanwhile, Tritter makes Wilson's life more and more miserable, and Wilson just takes it.

11.20.2006
11.26.2006
B

admin

3-7
Recap

Suspended Disbelief

Son Of Coma Guy - There's a lot of impossibilities here: House manages to wake up a man in a vegetative state for one day, which the guy would rather spend eating hoagies in Atlantic City than helping save his son's life. Meanwhile, Tritter invades various PPTH locations to interrogate the Cottages and freezes Wilson's bank account for absolutely no reason.

11.13.2006
11.19.2006
B

admin

3-6
Recap

Vogler II: Electric Vog-a-loo

Que SerĂ¡ SerĂ¡ - There's a new fat guy at PPTH, but he's just the patient, not the antagonist. That title belongs to Detective Tritter, who continues his insane quest for ass thermometer justice.

11.06.2006
11.12.2006
C+

admin

3-5
Recap

Awkward

Fools For Love - While House tries to find out whether Wilson is dating a new nurse, a young happily married couple come in with similar baffling symptoms. Since this show hates love, their happiness will be destroyed in the worst way possible. Also, House leaves a thermometer in a Clinic patient's butt and makes another enemy.

10.30.2006
11.05.2006
B

admin

3-5
Extra

"You Get To Basically Be An Ass On Paper And Channel Your Twelve-Year-Old Self"

The Garrett Lerner Interview - House co-executive producer Garrett Lerner tells us how he and his twelve-year-old self help to make House the sarcastic ass we can't help loving.

10.26.2006
10.26.2006
A+

admin

3-4
Recap

You Are What You Eat

Lines In The Sand - An autistic boy with the tendency to eat animal poop-filled sand is the Patient of the Week. The teenager from last week with the scary crush on House is back, but it turns out that she just ingested some fungi that made her into a fun girl. And Cameron apparently ate some Nosy-Os, as she eschews work in favor of figuring out why House wants his old bloodstained carpet back.

09.25.2006
10.01.2006
B-

admin

3-3
Recap

Life Is Not A Cabaret

Informed Consent - House tackles the issue of doctor-assisted suicide when a patient, played by Joel Grey, asks House to kill him, even though he doesn't have a terminal diagnosis. Or any diagnosis. But who cares about that, when we can focus on Cameron learning a lesson and developing as a person and a doctor. By killing her patient.

09.18.2006
09.24.2006
B-

admin

3-2
Recap

Paranormal And Paraplegics

Cane & Able - Wilson and Cuddy conspire to keep the truth from House that he cured a man who was wheelchair-bound for eight years, while House investigates a boy who claims he was abducted by aliens and has the bleeding ass to prove it.

09.11.2006
09.17.2006
B+

admin

3-1
Recap

Meaningless

Meaning - House got shot last season, and all we got was this lousy episode where his thigh muscle magically regrows and he tries to help his patients instead of hurting them and winds up doing both in between jogs and skateboarding sessions.

09.04.2006
09.10.2006
C-

admin

2-24
Recap

Ballbuster

No Reason - House is shot and wakes up in the ICU with a healed leg and an increasingly loose grasp on reality, taking the audience with him. By the end, no one knows what, if anything, in this episode is real. We really hope, for House's sake, that the Patient of the Week's exploding body parts are not.

05.22.2006
05.28.2006
B+

admin

2-23
Recap

Hurricrap Katrina

Who’s Your Daddy? - House cashes in on real tragedy with a Patient of the Week who lost everything in the disaster, earning her House's undying hatred and distrust. He does such a good job of treating her that she craps out of her mouth and her lungs turn into Swiss cheese.

05.15.2006
05.21.2006
F

admin

2-22
Recap

Take Your Vitamins

Forever - Not only will they make you big and strong, but they'll also prevent you from going insane and trying to murder your own baby. Chase can't afford vitamins, though, because Daddy wrote him out of the will and now he's so poor he has to work in NICU. And Foreman is back from the brink of death with a happy new life-loving attitude that pisses everyone off.

05.08.2006
05.14.2006
B

admin

2-21
Recap

Black Matter, White Matter

Euphoria, Part II - Foreman is on the fast track to death unless House can figure out what's wrong with him. Myriad things are tried, but none of them work, leaving the physicians with only one choice: a white matter brain biopsy that may well leave Foreman worse off than the disease. House doesn't want to do it, but it's not his choice: it's Cameron's.

05.02.2006
05.07.2006
A

admin

2-20
Recap

Staff Infection

Euphoria, Part I - We all knew it had to happen sooner or later, and it was sooner: one of House's staff catches a disease from a Patient of the Week. Foreman's the unlucky one, but he isn't the unluckiest one. That honor would go to the Patient of the Week, who dies before House and the team can find a cure.

05.01.2006
05.05.2006
B-

admin

2-19
Recap

House Vs. God

House Vs. God - We can't improve on that episode title, which is obviously the best of all time. House's latest patient is a teenaged faith healer, who manages to "heal" one of Wilson's terminal cases. House would rather figure out how this happened and let the woman know that her cancer is still as bad as it ever was than believe that God is a better doctor than he is.

04.24.2006
04.30.2006
B

admin

2-18
Recap

The Sandman Cometh

Sleeping Dogs Lie - But not to Hannah, who's been awake for ten days and will die if she doesn't sleep by the eleventh. Fortunately, Cameron is around to send us all into dreamland with her moral outrage over everything.

04.17.2006
04.23.2006
A

admin

2-17
Recap

Moby Sick

All In - When a boy has the same symptoms as a patient of House's who died before he could diagnose her twelve years ago, he goes into obsessed Captain Ahab mode and will stop at nothing to track down his White Whale disease during a Black Tie event.

04.10.2006
04.16.2006
B+

admin

2-16
Recap

Sex Kills, Again

Safe - For the fiftieth time on this show, someone has sex and almost dies. This time, it's a girl with ridiculously dangerous allergies and an "overprotective" mother who doesn't seem to do all that much to deserve her reputation. House and Wilson live together and engage in a prank war, although it's really just House pulling the pranks and they all backfire on him anyway, leaving his dishes undone and his couch filled with pee.

04.03.2006
04.09.2006
B-

admin

2-15
Recap

AU, Stop Poisoning Me With Gold

Clueless - Having hit many obstacles in this week's medical caper, House suggests looking deep inside a woman to see if she's poisoning her husband to death. And if that's the only way House can think of to score a little honey, he's officially been shacking up with a dude for too long.

03.27.2006
03.30.2006
B+

admin

2-14
Recap

This Show Is Written By Puritans

Sex Kills - Everyone cheats on his or her spouse and pays for that sin with some bad-cheese-related heart failure, gonorrhea-related fatal car accidents, and, worst of all, having to move in with House. The only person who isn't having sex is a guy who really, really wants to have sex with his hot mom.

03.06.2006
03.12.2006
B-

admin

2-13
Recap

Skin Is Deep, Balls Are Deeper

Skin Deep - House suffers from leg pain as he tries to treat a young female supermodel who's not very super or very female after all.

02.19.2006
02.25.2006
A

admin

2-12
Recap

ATV And LSD

Distractions - When he isn't getting revenge on a med-school classmate by giving himself the Worst Migraine Ever, doing LSD, and calling a hooker over to his apartment, House treats a kid with a brain disorder that gives him orgasms and fiery ATV crashes.

02.13.2006
02.19.2006
C+

admin

2-11
Recap

Need To Go

Need To Know - Stacy and House finally have sex, and then he dumps her for good. Hooray! The patient of the week would rather give herself all kinds of medical problems than tell her extremely stupid husband the truth. She gets cured, but doesn't learn her lesson.

02.06.2006
02.12.2006
B-

admin

2-10
Recap

Failure To Scintillate

Failure To Communicate - A series of rather ridiculous plot contrivances bring us a reporter who's lost the ability to speak or write, House stranded at an airport with Stacy and her insatiable hunger for curry, the Cottages running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to figure out what's wrong with their patients and missing the most obvious of clues, and Wilson and Cuddy not having much to do at all.

01.09.2006
01.16.2006
C

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2-9
Recap

Decepticon

Deception - Patient Anica is more than meets the eye: her symptoms indicate Cushing's, but there's no cortisol-secreting tumor in sight. Cameron tries to transform into someone cool and smart, with good results, while Foreman tries to transform into an administrator, with bad results. Optimus Prime does not appear in this episode.

12.12.2005
12.18.2005
B+

admin

2-8
Recap

Unhappy Accident

The Mistake - Chase and House have to go in front of a peer review committee to determine whether Chase made a mistake that ultimately led to a woman's death, and we all go on a journey through the organ black market, living donor transplants, awesome continuity, elementary school talent shows, and, of course, seemingly endless discussions about Stacy and House's non-relationship.

11.28.2005
12.04.2005
B+

admin

2-7
Recap

Hunting For Ratings

Hunting - If you like House the Jerk, then you'll love the manipulative bastard he truly becomes in this episode as he attacks his patient's father with his cane (and with a few allegations that the guy's dead wife was sleeping around), and uses the information from Stacy's purloined therapy files to make himself look charming and thoughtful to either get her fired or win her back or both! As an added bonus, you also get to watch the similarly unlikable actions taken by his meth-using and co-worker-on-drugs-doing staff! And if you like Cuddy or Foreman, you'll be disappointed. Again.

11.21.2005
11.27.2005
C+

admin

2-6
Recap

Cheaters Never Win (Except For Sometimes)

Spin - When House and his team treat a cyclist who admits to illegally enhancing his biking performance, their own cheating ways come to light: Wilson cheats on his wives, House cheats to get secret information about Stacy, and Cameron thought about cheating once, but was too saintly to actually go through with it, making her especially resentful of those who do and get away with it. Oddly, she has no problem leaking confidential patient information to the press and framing the morgue for it.

11.14.2005
11.20.2005
A

admin

2-5
Recap

Shock And Aww

Daddy’s Boy - A Princeton almost-grad has shock-like symptoms, sphincter paralysis, and a dead mother his well-meaning father lied about. House tries to avoid seeing his visiting parents, because he hates his truth-telling military father. His mother, on the other hand, is surprisingly sweet and nice and tells House he's perfect.

11.07.2005
11.13.2005
B+

admin

2-4
Recap

That Isn't The Question

TB Or Not TB - Because we know Dr. Sebastian "Africa-Saver" Charles has TB. We just don't know what's really killing him, why House hates people who do nice things, or whether Cameron will ever be attracted to a man who isn't about to die.

10.31.2005
11.06.2005
C+

admin

2-3
Recap

All The King's Houses

Humpty Dumpty - Cuddy's hot Latino handyman falls off her roof, and his fingers turn black, bringing House and his team onto the case, along with a whole lotta "did they or didn't they?" questions about Cuddy and House's history. By the end, the handyman loses a hand before House figures out what's wrong with him, but we never figure out whether House and Cuddy did it.

09.26.2005
10.02.2005
B+

admin

2-2
Recap

Crossing The Line

Autopsy - House crosses the line from likable curmudgeon to mean SOB. Cameron crosses the line from annoyingly over-emotional and useless character to confident and capable doctor. Chase straddles the line between sweet guy and creepy pedophile. And patient Andie goes back and forth between life and death.

09.19.2005
09.25.2005
B-

admin

2-1
Recap

Doin' It And Doin' It And Doin' It Well

Acceptance - LL Cool J guest stars as a Death Row inmate with a Mysterious Illness. House cures him because he does his job well, even if it does involve getting wasted and hacking into the hospital computer's mainframe. Cameron refuses to tell her patient that she has terminal lung cancer, because she doesn't do her job well at all. Also, Foreman is black.

09.12.2005
09.18.2005
B-

admin

1-22
Recap

We'll Never Have Paris

Honeymoon - At Stacy's request, House treats Stacy's husband, whose Mystery Disease is so mysterious that no one, including the husband himself, thinks there's actually anything wrong with him. And yet, he's subjected to a barrage of expensive and painful tests and surgeries, because Stacy always gets what Stacy wants. House, on the other hand, can only try sometimes and get what he needs. And that is drugs.

05.23.2005
09.06.2005
B+

admin

1-21
Recap

Something For Everyone

Three Stories - House gives a diagnostic-medicine lecture about three patients with leg pain that manages to include Carmen Electra, young ladies playing volleyball, lots of Cuddy being awesome, a shot of House's bare chest, and a cute puppy. Everyone should walk away happy. Unless, of course, your significant other had your thigh muscles cut up against your express wishes. Then you'll have to limp. Sadly.

05.16.2005
08.31.2005
A+

admin

1-20
Recap

Hurts So Good

Love Hurts - House tends to two couples whose relationships may be fraught with physical pain, including vaginal tearing and strangulation-induced strokes, but they still manage to look like more fun that House and Cameron's date, which, hopefully, won't be repeated.

05.09.2005
08.28.2005
B-

admin

1-19
Recap

Moral Morales

Kids - Ladies, there'll be hell to pay if you don't act right! 'Cause if you have underaged, unmarried sex or wear the wrong clothes or shoes to work, you'll either get pregnant and almost die, be a source of amusement for male co-workers, or your shallow, insecure ass won't get hired! Good thing we have Upstanding Citizen Cameron in this world to show us how to blackmail your boss into taking you out on a date.

05.02.2005
08.25.2005
B

admin

1-18
Recap

Cameron-Free is the Way to Be!

Babies & Bathwater - Cameron does not appear in this episode, meaning that Wilson and Cuddy get lots of stuff to do, and it's Vogler's swan song. It's truly great TV. Sara M doesn't think that's a coincidence.

04.18.2005
08.23.2005
A+

admin

1-17
Recap

Know Your Role

Role Model - Vogler's is still the irredeemable Bad Guy. Cameron's is still the girl who can't deal with her schoolgirl crush like a normal person. The A-plot patient, a senator and presidential hopeful who refuses to believe he has AIDS even after testing positive for it, is to show House that winning isn't everything. And the B-plot patient's is to show us all how multitasking can help us make the most of our nights.

04.11.2005
08.18.2005
C

admin

1-16
Recap

A Bevy Of Heavy

Heavy - A girl whose heaviness precludes her from having any friends has a heart attack, and then her skin starts to die. Was it caused by diet pills and Cameron's bumbling, or something else? Does a proud, if heavy clinic patient have natural curves, or something else? And could those "Vogler is evil!" anvils be any heavier?

03.28.2005
08.14.2005
C-

admin

1-15
Recap

Brothers In Harms

Mob Rules - A mobster threatens House and slaps Chase when his brother's secret homosexuality puts him in a coma. Down in the Clinic, another set of brothers make return visits because the older brother can't watch his baby brother well enough to prevent him from sticking things up his nose. And Vogler tries to fire House, but Cuddy bargains him down to letting one of the Cottages go.

03.21.2005
08.10.2005
C+

admin

1-14
Recap

Women Have No Control

Control - Especially if their names begin with "C." Cuddy, Cameron, and Patient of the Week Carly all try to maintain, or in Cameron's case, create, their positions of power. And all of them are toppled by men, or in Carly's case, a bulimia-caused heart failure. Also, Chase screws up an angiogram due to the presence of a female. Why do we even let women have jobs?

03.14.2005
08.07.2005
C+

admin

1-13
Recap

Right And Wrong

Cursed - House plays Chase and his father against each other to satisfy his curiosity about their relationship, and also because he might -- just might -- care. Both Chase men end up being right and wrong about their diagnoses of a young boy whose hero-worship of his dad is about to crumble like a leper's face -- a metaphor that is also both right and wrong.

02.28.2005
08.04.2005
A

admin

1-12
Recap

Water Sports

Sports Medicine - A baseball player's arm breaks due to his having unusually thin bones because of a Mysterious Disease. It looks like the only cure for what ails him is a kidney transplant that will also mean the death of his unborn child. Fortunately, he pees on House and that makes everyone happy.

02.21.2005
08.01.2005
B

admin

1-11
Recap

No Pain, No Gain

Detox - When Cuddy dares him to go off the Vicodin for a week, and dangles a month of no clinic duty in front of him as incentive, House detoxes -- and biffs a diagnosis. Or does he? Because he says he's fine. Also, it's an Election/Mean Girls reunion.

02.14.2005
07.30.2005
B

admin

1-10
Recap

Herstories

Histories - Two women have questionable medical histories due to eating disorder-related amnesia or guilt-related homelessness. Foreman makes his personal feelings about the homeless known to all, while Wilson makes his known only to House.

02.07.2005
07.29.2005
A

admin

1-9
Recap

Tenacious G

DNR - Nor ALS diagnosis, nor signed DNR, nor restraining order can keep House from giving a trumpet player an unsolicited second opinion.

01.31.2005
07.23.2005
B+

admin

1-8
Recap

Oedipus Complex

Poison - The dynamic relationships of mothers and sons weave throughout this episode's A and B cases, the former being a dying teen whose mother clashes with everyone on staff, and the latter being an insufferable adult who dismisses his elderly mother's newfound love of Ashton Kutcher, and then House, as nothing to worry about when she actually has syphilitic brain damage.

01.24.2005
07.17.2005
B

admin

1-7
Recap

Low Fidelity

Fidelity - A wife has African Sleeping Sickness, but the only way she could have gotten it was if she or her seemingly devoted husband cheated. The doctors can't treat her until the guilty party fesses up, but no one's talking, except Cameron and her Issues.

12.27.2004
07.13.2005
B-

admin

1-6
Recap

Pennies From Hell

The Socratic Method - If you aren't convinced that copper is the work of the devil after this episode, you never will be. The mother of Friedman from Joan of Arcadia is schizophrenic and bleeds a lot. By finding out that she has liver cancer, House is able to determine that she's not crazy -- she just has too much copper in her body. There's some stuff about Socrates too, but you'd be better off reading the original.

12.20.2004
07.10.2005
B-

admin

1-5
Recap

Lord, Have Mercy!

Damned If You Do - Because after a nun has been through several treatments from House, she surely needs it. A horribly bewigged Elizabeth Mitchell plays a nun who comes to House to cure her mysterious allergic reaction. He does, via dipping her toes in the river Styx several times. But he just can't kill her on Christmas. Joy to the world!

12.13.2004
07.05.2005
B+

admin

1-4
Recap

Maybe Dead Baby

Maternity - House sentences a baby to death in order to find out what is infecting five others, and yet Cameron and her Issues manage to come off the worst.

12.06.2004
07.01.2005
A

admin

1-3
Recap

The Simplest Explanation...

Occam’s Razor - ...is don't trust your pharmacist, because he'll try to kill you. House will too, but at least he'll save your life in the end.

11.29.2004
06.26.2005
B

admin

1-2
Recap

Re: Lax

Paternity - A high-school lacrosse player's night terrors and double vision indicates that he has Multiple Sclerosis. So, of course, he doesn't.

11.22.2004
06.19.2005
B+

admin

1-1
Recap

Cane And Able

Pilot - Meet Dr. House, a cane-wielding infectious-disease doctor who refuses to do his job and eats Vicodins like candy. If you're a patient, he won't see you. But if you're a hot girl, a black criminal, or an over-privileged white guy, he'll let you work for him. And if you're Robert Sean Leonard, he might even be a little bit nice to you.

11.15.2004
06.13.2005
B+

admin

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