Join us, won't you, for a day in the life of Cuddy? Watch as she attempts to make it through a long day filled with evil health insurance companies, ungrateful patients who are either sue-happy or obsessed with breast milk, all of House's problems, employees who are even worse than House, an insane surgery unit, a boyfriend who makes bets on their sex life, a sick kid and an unresponsive nanny, and being called an idiot or a bitch several times. It's the most thankless job in the most thankless life in the world, but just when Cuddy's about to quit, everything resolves itself in time for a cheery and cheesy music montage. It's nice to see PPTH from someone else's point of view every once in a while, but there's a reason why this show is called House and not Cuddy.
An alarm goes off at 5 am, already telling us there's no way we're in House's apartment. He barely gets to PPTH in time for lunch. No, this episode belongs to Cuddy, who manages to not look beastly at 5 in the morning, which is quite the accomplishment. She reaches across the bed for Lucas, but he isn't there. So she checks her Blackberry instead before going through her morning yoga routine. And she's supposed to be a semi-new mother? I don't think so. Sure enough, Rachel's cries soon put an end to Cuddy's alone time. She throws her baby in the shower with her, which, while cute, is a great way to burn and drown your baby at the same time. Cuddy hustles through the rest of her morning routine, getting ready for work while keeping an eye on both the time and her daughter, who has learned to walk and is using the knowledge to get into all sorts of trouble. Finally, the nanny arrives along with Lucas, who is annoyingly unsympathetic both to Rachel's fever and the fact that Cuddy is running late to work, where she has to give some important proposal at 8:30 that she hasn't even finished writing yet. I guess she should have been working on it instead of doing yoga. Lucas wants to have sex with Cuddy before she leaves, and has no problem letting her know this in front of the kid and the nanny. He promises to be finished with her in ten minutes, and they make out in bed for a while until an "emergency page" from House interrupts them. Well, it interrupts Lucas, who is obsessed with House. Cuddy just tells him to ignore it. Two minutes and one cheesy wipe later, they've just concluded having sex with most of their clothes on. This includes Lucas's jeans and belt. This House-at-8-pm thing is really killing the realism of this show. The only hint that they've just had sex is the fact that they're breathing heavily. Lucas apologizes for being way too fast on the draw, promising to make it up to her if she gives him a few minutes to collect himself. She does. And we now officially know way too much about Cuddy's sex life.
Cuddy arrives at PPTH, where a nurse who isn't Evil Nurse Brenda informs her that there's a problem in the pharmacy while House limps up to demand Cuddy's attention because she didn't answer his emergency page. Apparently, Cuddy was right to turn down his latest insane diagnostic tool of infecting a patient with malaria. Her victory is short-lived, however, when House reveals that he was with Lucas on his stake-out last night (Lucas was checking out someone's claim of a "soft tissue injury" and despite being a private detective for years and supposedly good at his job, he had to take House along with him for confirmation. This is also despite Lucas and House clearly having their differences just last episode) and they made a bet with each other over whether or not Cuddy would stop sex to answer a page from House, as he claims that Lucas told him they have sex every morning. Either that, or House has been sitting in the bushes under Cuddy's bedroom window every morning. Either way, someone is a sleazebag here. The nurse who doubles as Cuddy's assistant because Cuddy is too lazy to hire a real assistant and takes her nurses for granted walks in to tell Cuddy that the pharmacy still has a problem and her 8:30 appointment is here early. Cuddy hands Nurse Assistant something and asks her to proofread it for her, because that's what Nurse Assistant spent all that time in nursing school to do.