House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Everybody Dies
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

A man in a wheelchair rolls out of his van and tells his dog to fetch him a blanket because he's cold. Amazingly, the dog obeys. Can helper dogs really do that stuff? That's so cool. The guy then pushes the limits of dog-human communication by telling his canine companion about a girl who works at an ice-cream store with an open blouse you can see down. Apparently, Cuddy's doing some moonlighting at Scoops. The dog obligingly presses the "walk" button at the stoplight for the guy, but midway through the crossing, his owner passes out. The dog barks out for help, only to almost get hit by a car driven by some inattentive radio-dialing menace to all pedestrians, who would have driven through a red light and run a wheelchair-bound man over if she hadn't seen his dog in time.

The Numbers have been sitting around the classroom all day with no House in sight. It's now four o'clock, one hour past House's expected arrival time. No one seems to have had the foresight to bring any reading material, and they're bored. Eventually, Anne Dudek (who I can now see is 24) takes a stand and says she's going home, and everyone should come with her. That may have worked at the car wash, but 18 immediately warns the room of what 24 is up to, because he wants to get this job by merit, not by scheming! Poor 18 has a lot of living in the real world to do, methinks.

House breezes in and tosses files to everyone as he describes their new patient. 18 thinks it wise to interrupt to ask House why he's an hour late. 18 really cares about the patient, you guys. That, and timeliness. 13's smirk fades as she reads from the patient file that he has Spinal Muscular Atrophy, which is incurable and unfortunate, but not a diagnostic mystery. I'm surprised House would have anything to do with SMA after last time when it lost him some precious French fries. House says he's dividing the class into teams. The team that can figure out what's threatening to "deprive the patient of the twenty or so miserable years he's got left with SMA" wins not being fired. Kumar asks how they're supposed to split up, and Thing 1 suggests splitting up girls versus boys, because she's in second grade and boys have cooties. For her assistance, House calls her the "fat twin." He tells the group that if their genitals "dangle," then they're on the Confederacy. If they're "aesthetically pleasing," then they're Union. This doesn't help me figure out who is on which team at all. Almost immediately, 24 requests to be on the men's team, figuring there's no way House will hire a team of all girls. House agrees to the switch as long as the men do.

They don't seem thrilled about it in the next scene, where she's walking down the hall with them as they all summarily dis her and refuse to allow her on their team. No girls allowed! I see Weird Beard is still around, even though he's not a real doctor. 24 accuses them of being threatened by her. I'd be; she's about one step away from killing the other Numbers off to get that job.

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House

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