House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1 USERS: B+
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Everybody Dies

The distaff side Camerons it up by diagnosing House's mindset rather than their patient. 13 figures House must already know what's wrong with the patient to risk his health on a little game like this.

So typically, the men think they should "gang-bang" their patient with a battery of tests and see if the results give them any clues.

One of the twins suggests that the dog is a carrier of whatever's ailing their patient, but the Indian-looking woman who didn't get any lines last week says House must know the dog isn't a factor, since she has veterinary training and that wouldn't be fair to the male team. Um, yes, let's base our diagnoses on House's fairness. That'll work.

18 guesses the dog as well. Kumar mentions a recent trip to Thailand that their patient took as another potential source of infection. Meanwhile, they write all kinds of nonsense symptoms on the Whiteboard, hoping the girls will see it and be led down the wrong path, securing a victory for the men. Weird Beard notices 13 leaving the room, and I notice that my arch-nemesis Deran Serafian has been promoted to Co-Executive Producer! Good news for him; bad news for viewers at all susceptible to motion sickness.

Since she still doesn't have a team, 24 is making friends with Cameron by asking her annoying questions like, "Why do you guys keep a D-cell battery in a urine specimen cup?" followed by, "Why would someone swallow a battery?" when Cameron answers that they pulled the battery from a patient's intestine. For a cutthroat bitch, 24 is kind of naïve. Cameron cuts to the chase (no, not the character. Not yet, anyway) and asks 24 why she's kissing Cameron's ass. 24 appeals to Cameron's caring nature by telling her that House is turning patient care into a game, and the patient is sure to suffer for it. The scene ends before 24 whips out a bunch of cute photos of the patient's dog and a copy of his family tree that shows all living relations are dead.

House decides to check on his Clinic patients, which he hasn't done in like two seasons. Understandably, his first patient, who's all bandaged and casted up after a recent run-in with something decidedly bigger and heavier than he is, is a little annoyed at the amount of time he's had to wait for his doctor and whips out a knife as soon as House enters the room. "Whoa," House says, because, really, what else can you say? The patient isn't going for him, however, but for the electrical outlet. He jams the knife in it and electrocutes himself while House watches, his face a mixture of "Am I really seeing what I think I'm seeing right now?" and "Sweet, I didn't get stabbed."

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House

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