Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sail Away

Taub doubts that a virus could survive in a jar for two hundred years, to which House responds by calling the CDC and claiming to be a screenwriter wondering if it's "theoretically possible" for a smallpox virus to survive underwater in the sealed glass jar for over two hundred years. "Well, theoretically yes, but-- " the CDC guy starts. House hangs up on him. I have a feeling that this is pretty much how the writers check their facts, too. House orders the Cottages to stick the daughter and her family in isolation, test Julie for smallpox, and vaccinate her mother, stepfather, and stepbrother. Foreman asks if they can't throw a few tests for more modern possible diagnoses in there, too. House says Foreman is free to do that, because he is not a slave, unlike that ship of skeletons sitting on the bottom of an ocean off Bermuda.

Martha is suited up, decontaminated, and finally allowed into the quarantine/isolation wing of PPTH, where Julie and her family are. The mother asks why they're quarantined like this, as she apparently didn't ask anyone this question while she was being lead into the quarantine chamber in the first place. Taub says it's just a precautionary measure, and Dad asks what they're pre-cautious of. Taub tries to play it down so poor Julie won't get upset, saying one of their fears is tetanus. Julie's mom sucks, so she pipes up that all this cannot possibly be about tetanus. Julie begs Taub and Martha to tell her what's really going on, and Martha cannot tell a lie, so she says it's smallpox. Cue the freaking out from all involved, despite Martha's assertions that it's a "billion to one" shot that Julie has the horrible deadly smallpox.

House emerges from a Clinic exam room to find that Cuddy doesn't want him down there since he's not scheduled to work there and has a real patient to worry about. Oh, and she's being all passive-aggressively angry about it too just to make sure that House knows she's mad at him. Even though these days she's always mad at him, so I don't know if he can really tell the difference anymore.

Meanwhile, Wilson has to deal with some whiny kid who thinks her mother should run home and get her favorite stuffed animal just because she has cancer. How selfish of her! But House is even worse because he texts Wilson to say "what I need is more important than what you're doing," which is the text you send to your girlfriend because you want a quickie, not your friend who is in the middle of being a cancer doctor. Wilson says he'll make sure someone sits with the kid while her mother runs home to get Lamby (ugh, I guess the kid has creativity cancer because that name blows. Even my favorite baby blanket had a better name than that, and I was just a baby when I named it. A really awesome baby). "I'll get a nurse," he says, because apparently that's what RNs go to school and train so hard for: babysitting.

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