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Sail Away

Wilson finds House sulking in his office. "She knows," he says. Yes, he somehow figured out that Cuddy's annoyed with him for lying to her and faking that lab test last week. Wilson thinks House is just being paranoid and if he tries to push things with Cuddy it'll make it worse. His advice is for House to just sit back and wait for Cuddy to come to him about it. "Say nothing to no one about anything," Wilson says. And this is why Wilson has been divorced like three times and House probably shouldn't have gone to him for advice in the first place.

With that, House has no choice but to do his actual job, so he heads down to the lab. Taub says the tests have come up negative for smallpox but hint at some other kind of infection. House only wants the important information, though, so he asks Martha if she has a boyfriend. "That's ... none of your business," Martha says. House takes that as a no and keeps right on going, asking Martha if she could see a situation where she reacted to being mad at her boyfriend by being "extra nice." How was Cuddy being nice? Because she didn't want House to do Clinic duty? She wasn't smiling or anything when she said that. In fact, it seemed pretty obvious that she was only excusing him from the Clinic because she didn't want him anywhere near her. Martha says she would be extra nice if she was so angry at her boyfriend that she wanted him to go away so she wouldn't have to deal with him. Who are these people who think that being "extra nice" is a way to make someone leave you alone? For this, House calls Martha a passive-aggressive bitch and hears that all of Foreman's recommended tests came back negative just like the smallpox. House is stuck on the smallpox theory though, and says they'll just have to tap Julie's joints and look for the smallpox antibodies there, as apparently they can hide in your joints when you go SCUBA diving. You know, between that and the underwater diseases and whatever happened to < a href="">that guy on the plane, I'm starting to think that either SCUBA diving is really dangerous or the writers of this show have some kind of problem with it. House orders them to tap any and all of poor Julie's joints.

House limps into Cuddy's office, takes one look at her face and her body language, and decides not to take Wilson's advice. "You know," he says. Cuddy says she does. "Oh, thank god," House says, which is probably not the response Cuddy was hoping for but he just can't help but love it when his suspicions are proven to be correct. Cuddy says she's waiting for an apology, but House doesn't think he did anything wrong. He was just doing his job and lying to Cuddy saved his patient's life. And he lied to her at work and not in their personal life, so it's different. Not to Cuddy, it isn't. "You don't get to lie to me about anything," she says, which is a lot different from before when she was saying she didn't want House to change and stuff. "I can't compartmentalize my life like that," she says. Great, then DON'T DATE AN EMPLOYEE. Idiot. Anyway, House isn't going to apologize and Cuddy's just going to have a sulk until he does.

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