Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sail Away

The Cottages (now including Chase, who showed up for work just before they locked everyone in, apparently) hang out in the meeting room. Martha wants to keep working on their case, but Taub says Julie is no longer their patient so who cares? Martha says that as long as they're stuck in PPTH for the next 18 hours, they might as well keep working, since it's not like there's no foosball table or big screen HDTV or anything at PPTH to keep them occupied. Chase is game, seeing as how he wasn't around to do his actual work, but Taub points out that they can't really test any theories without access to the patient. House finally speaks up from behind a laptop on his desk to say they can still study the people who died from the disease back in 1793 by reading the captain's log he was able to track down and get a copy of. Unfortunately, it's written in 18th century Dutch and while House is fluent in like every language ever, he doesn't know that. Nor does anyone else. But House is not concerned, as he's sure he'll be able to find someone who can translate for him even though it's the middle of the night in the Netherlands right now.

Awesomely, House is able to find a translator at, a pay webcam chat site. Among the categories to choose from according to the webpage's sidebar are "amateurs," "lesbians," "Asians," "festish," and "kink." There is also, it seems, a link for Dutch camera performers, and House meets a supple young woman credited as "Greete," although the Dutch pronunciation is much different than you'd expect. Greete is wearing pretty much the same clothes that Cuddy wears to work everyday and wants to know if House is a "handsome sexiest American man." House is going to agree with that one, even though Chase is standing right behind him. Although I guess Chase isn't naturally American, so he doesn't count. House tries to get down to business, asking Greete to translate something for him, but Greete says she can do many other things that House might enjoy more, like take her bra off or play with some toys. "Just do the translation!" Martha speaks up. Greete doesn't seem to notice or care about the fact that there are a bunch of people wearing scrubs standing behind her latest client, though. House says Greete should do the translation however she feels most comfortable. Greete feels most comfortable with House's credit card info, which he readily provides using what I can only guess is one of Wilson's cards he swiped for this very purpose. Taub starts to speak up to mention that PPTH has translators on call. "Shut up!" House says. He orders Martha to send Greete the scans of the captain's log. "Sure thing, sexiest American man!" Martha says. She then takes a second to giggle in a most endearing manner.

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